tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29195321787483470862024-03-12T18:12:28.630-07:00Sufficient Graceangeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-2106259614072631272017-11-20T15:07:00.001-08:002017-11-27T13:20:18.900-08:00Yes, I Have Labeled My Child<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue", arial, helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;">My daughter suffers from a diagnosed, very real, quite severe at times, anxiety disorder. She isn't just shy, or timid, or stubborn. She isn't just choosing to be rude, ignore people, not participate in activities. She didn't ask for this affliction. She doesn't want to be "different" from her peers. She isn't looking for special treatment, or to always have things her way. Her brain is wired differently from her peers, her thoughts and feelings run deep and strong and she cannot turn them off by choice. She didn't ask for this condition, she would rather be a happy-go-lucky, carefree kid like her friends. She doesn't enjoy being worried all the time and feeling anxious, fearful, and concerned. She didn't ask for any of it, but she has learned to own it, and she will continue to learn how to fight it when necessary, give in to it when that is what's needed, and advocate for herself, in a chaotic world that looks down upon anyone who is "different".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So yes, I have placed that label on my daughter. She has anxiety. She <b>is</b> different. She worries about things that most kids don't even think about; she worries about things that many adults don't even think about! She feels things deeper than the average kid. She is always on the verge of panic, not because she wants to be, but because her body is always in "fight or flight" mode. A minor change to the normal routine of her day can cause a full-fledged meltdown, and that meltdown may look very different than you might think. For her, she can be frozen in place, unable to move, to speak, barely able to breathe. Definitely unable to verbally express the fear she feels inside, the thoughts that are racing through her mind, the panic of her heart beating too fast as the adrenaline courses through her and causes her to think she's in danger. Danger of what, you may be asking. Sometimes there's an obvious answer to that; if a dog is nearby, or she's about to be called on in front of everyone but isn't prepared, or there's a teacher she's never met before in the classroom. But quite often, the danger she feels she's facing isn't tangible. It's not a real thing she sees in front of her. It's not easily identified or explained. She doesn't know why she's worried, she just is.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This is her reality. This has become our family's reality, that we need to stop and take the impact to Gracie into consideration before proceeding with anything new, that we need to be careful not to spring things on her without preparation, that we can't force her to do anything, that we need to consider the circumstances when she acts out or freezes in panic. Anxiety for her can come at any time, over any thing, and often over no specific thing. She can feel angry and out of control or she can feel sad and desperate. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">She's not alone in her battle, and I realize that she's also not alone in her disorder. Many children are dealing with mental imbalances, and many parents are trying to cope with that underlying fear that we've done something wrong. That we've somehow made our child this way, or that we somehow should be able to stop them from being this way. As I've navigated my way through parenthood over this past decade of life, I have met so many children and so many parents, and I have found that once I open up and start talking honestly and transparently about my child's struggles, I'm not alone in this journey. So many other children are struggling, and just as many other parents are thinking their kid isn't quite 'normal' but it must somehow be their fault, so they don't really talk about it. </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There is fear of putting a label on the behavior, because that somehow makes it more real; like once you say "my child has anxiety", you've just locked them into that box for the rest of their life. The thing is, it isn't a choice. No abnormality or disorder, be it mental or physical, temporary or long-term, is a choice. No parent chooses "different" for their child, but once "different" has been identified, it's up to us to make it "normal" for them. To learn about it and help them cope with it. To help change society's views of "normal" and "regular" and "typical" and realize that each person has their own normal; their own regular, their own typical. To teach acceptance of the variety of normals in the world, instead of fear over those who appear to be different. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So yes, I have labeled my daughter. And in doing so, I have empowered her. I have given her an explanation for why she feels the way she does. I have given her the peace of mind that she IS normal, because anxiety is her normal. I have advocated for certain accommodations for her at school, so that she can be as comfortable as possible in the classroom and able to learn and grow academically. I have spoken up for her to other students and parents, when she's unable to speak for herself. I have taught her to accept her anxiety, and to cope with it and do her best to not let it control her. And I will continue to empower her; to be her voice when she cannot speak, to hold her hand when she's in a panic, and to dry her tears when they fall for no reason. I will not be ashamed to share her label with others when they ask what's wrong with her, or why is she acting like that. I will continue to accept her normal, and help her to understand it. I will encourage other parents facing similar situations to be honest about their struggles, to realize they haven't done anything wrong, they aren't at fault, and their child isn't different, but has their own unique normal. I encourage other adults to not be so quick to judge each other, especially in parenting, but to support each other. To offer acceptance and a listening ear, rather than judgement and unwarranted advice. To be kind to all, and to remember that we don't know the silent battles others are facing. That's okay though! We aren't called to understand, only to accept and support. </span></div>
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-49353345437496785632017-11-20T13:46:00.001-08:002017-11-20T13:46:53.984-08:00Blink Of An Eye...part 2<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica neue, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>This post was started in September 2016 and never finished. I have not had the urge to write since then, and obviously much life has been lived over those 13 months! Brief update of where we are currently at...1st and 3rd grade went by quickly, both kids did well in school, Joel enjoyed a winter season of Hot Shots Basketball, Gracie found she enjoys running and was at the top of her Marathon Kids Running Club with most miles run during club all year. We had a busy summer with as much family time as possible. Work for me has been super busy for several months now as the construction industry is non-stop, and Doug has enjoyed working in our shop and on some jobsites whenever there is a need. We are now well into 2nd and 4th grade, and somehow the holiday season is upon us. We look forward to a low-key Thanksgiving and celebrating Gracie turning 10! No promises that my blog writing will be regular, but there are some things I've been feeling the need to put down recently, as we continue to cope with Gracie's anxiety and what it means to raise a child who does not meet society's depiction of "normal". </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The months between Spring Break and Back-to-School have flown by! Yes, "in the blink of an eye", "time sure flies", "my how quickly they grow up!" and all those other cliches apply to this crazy things called life when you're raising children! We closed out the Kindergarten and 2nd grade school year in June, enjoyed a fun summer full of camping, outside play, friend playdates, family time. Yesterday the kids returned to school, 1st grade and 3rd grade, and the weather here in Oregon has felt decidedly fall-like for a few days, and I am excited to put up my Fall decor this weekend! The start of school means the start of Flag Football (Doug is coaching again), PTA activities (I'm PTA President now), Sunday School, and everyone getting back into an early-to-bed, early-to-rise routine. Both kids had a great first day of school, Gracie is super excited to have the same teacher she had last year and to be in an upstairs classroom now and Joel started a dual-language program that will have him spending half the day learning his subjects in Spanish. </span></div>
angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-78900135577337992592016-09-07T15:15:00.002-07:002016-09-07T15:18:00.459-07:00Blink Of An Eye...part 1<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>This post was written in March...but never posted. As I sat to write a Back-to-School, Welcome-to-Fall update, I realized I had not ever published this one! So here is some old news about how we spent the first few months of 2016! New news to be posted soon!</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">March has roared in like a lion here in Oregon...a wet, soggy, gray, dreary lion! Today, however, the sun is shining, the green is abundant (although this could be because it's St. Patrick's Day...), and spring is on the horizon. Finally. The Goodrich 4 are beyond ready!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Somehow February flew by, in our household it was full of sick kiddos and lazy days, with a sprinkle of Valentine's Day love and Doug's birthday. Valentine's Day began with a fever for Gracie, which was the beginning of a week-long cough & cold that hit her, Joel, and Doug, who had a very low-key birthday the following Sunday since he was beginning his cold cycle and the kids were at the end of theirs. Valentine's Day, sadly, ended with the passing of Doug's mother's husband, "Grandpa Terry" to the kids. He had battled cancer for a long time and we knew the end was here, and are thankful he's at peace now with the Lord and his earthly suffering has ended. It was a new experience for the children, saying goodbye to him a couple days before, learning about cremation, praying over his ashes as we laid him in his final resting place. You never quite know when your children will face losing someone close to them, and how much they will comprehend, but we just followed their lead as they processed everything, and let them be involved as much/little as they were comfortable with. Once more we find ourselves thankful to have Doug at home, as February found him being a daytime nurse to the kids, and he was able to be with his mom as needed to help her take care of things. I have flexibility with my workday, but it sure is nice to know that if a kid needs to stay home sick from school, dad is there to be with them and I can go about my work day!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">March started off with Gracie's highly anticipated IV sedation dental appointment to get her teeth taken care of. She was incredibly brave about facing this unknown situation! She ended up having 8 baby teeth pulled...yes, that is a lot, but it's what needed to be done so her adult teeth can grow in healthy and strong. They were angled, and were not pushing the baby teeth up and out, so they were not going to get loose and come out on their own. Waking up from the sedation and with a numb mouth was scary for our anxious girl, but she did so well staying calm, letting mom and dad take care of her, and resting for the rest of the day. It was a struggle to get her to drink liquids the first 48 hours, let alone eat any soft foods, but she started perking up after a couple of days and within a week post-appointment was fully back to herself. Minus 8 teeth, but $20 richer from the tooth fairy!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Just as we were getting back to "routine", Joel picked up his first stomach bug at school. Ugh. Fortunately it was of the 24 hour variety, and nobody else in the house got it. This week has been fairly "normal" with the exception of adjusting to Daylight Savings and the loss of an hour of precious sleep! We're looking forward to Spring Break next week, and though the rain is back in the forecast, it will be nice to have some down time. Hopefully the kids stay healthy and are able to get in some play time with friends, along with some family fun we're planning. A viewing of 'Zootopia' and bowling are at the top of the list!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As up and down, but honestly mostly down, as the last month and a half have been, I continue to be grateful for so many things, most of all my unwavering faith. I continue to get through each day, powering through with grit and grace! </span><br />
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-78526187502234420822016-07-01T10:38:00.000-07:002016-07-01T10:38:34.072-07:00Perspective at 38<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Tomorrow I turn 38. This is a big one for me, and that has nothing to do with how close to 40 it is. I moved into my own apartment when I was 19, meaning I have lived "on my own" for half my life. My intense digestive troubles began when I was 19, therefore turning 38 also means that I have been living with this discomfort for half my life. Half of my time here on earth, I have struggled with my physical and mental health. For half my life, I have been meeting with the same GI doctor and trying to figure out (A) what is wrong with my guts, (B) how to make it go away, and (C) in the absence of being able to get rid of it, how to at least alleviate symptoms so I can have a decent quality of life. I'm happy to say that we have been able to figure out (A), so we know what is wrong. We have tried lots of (B), things to make it go away, but none has been the magical fix-all, therefore we focus hard on (C) finding workarounds so I can at least function (mostly) normally. Quick background on my issues, then we'll put that part behind and focus on what I really want to write about...hope, and maintaining it during the bad days.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For those needing to see the medical diagnoses...here you go. There are several conditions that I have been diagnosed with over the last 19 years:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">GERD (Gastro-esophagus reflux disease, or severe/constant acid reflux with erosion of the esophagus)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">IBS-C (Irritable bowel syndrome with a tendency towards constipation-kind of a generic term given to guts not working properly for no visible/known reason)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">SIBO (small intestine bacterial overgrowth)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Gastroparesis (slow-moving stomach muscles so food takes longer to process)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Digestive Dysmotility (neurotransmitters in my intestines don't fire correctly, so everything moves through my system very slowly)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Lactose Intolerance (inability to properly digest lactose in dairy products)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">To bottom-line everything...I am constantly excessively bloated, full of trapped air and gas, constipated, often nauseous (thought I never throw up), can feel food stuck in my system as it tries to move through. I am prone to low blood sugar episodes, even if I've just eaten. Food takes a long time to reach where the digestive juices are already working to break it down, so I get weird episodes of shakiness, light headed, sweating, salivating, and nausea as my body is ready to digest food but there isn't food there yet. I am tired all the time, because when I'm sleeping my body is working so very hard to digest food, and I'm prone to insomnia. I have depression, both from low levels of serotonin and because it's mentally draining to feel so uncomfortable all the time. I am forever trying new medications that will help my digestive muscles contract properly, and then dealing with side effects from those. I avoid a lot of foods because I know they will not digest well, and yet even when eating "right", I feel awful. I continually learn about new foods to avoid (look up FODMAPs...this is my current undertaking, to eat only low-fodmap foods along with all the other things I avoid), and would prefer to just not eat at all. My body doesn't prefer that though, and is quick to let me know when I must eat. Now. The combination of disorders I have make eating a catch-22, because something that is good for SIBO is bad for Gastroparesis, or it's good for GERD but full of dairy, or, well, you get the idea. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Anyway, that's all I'm going to say about what is wrong. I don't share it to garner pity or sympathy, but to let you know, honestly and transparently, what I cope with every day. I share it because the part I want to focus on is this - I do cope. I do continue to live, to thrive, to fight the discomfort and to maintain hope that someday, the miracle fix-all will be discovered. I am not alone in my battles; do a Google search on any of the one diagnoses and you will find tons of websites that are dedicated to it. Start talking about it with a group of people, and you will find that somebody in that group has experienced at least one of the issues I have. Often, you will find somebody that has a more difficult diagnosis to live with...something more serious like Crohn's or Colitis. I feel blessed that my issues are fairly tolerable to live with.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6NvM-AHdmMh4xFsvEZgkoVz13QvOhyphenhyphenxK3xR2H5381H__l2SXtfyX_f_h90msulej0R-Ku7vyCRgrpWs7E3xf30ZFiqa7E4nEQdNEbopEyWTll-uZRqmn0bBZPh-r6i0o_OSdsm71lk73g/s1600/strength1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6NvM-AHdmMh4xFsvEZgkoVz13QvOhyphenhyphenxK3xR2H5381H__l2SXtfyX_f_h90msulej0R-Ku7vyCRgrpWs7E3xf30ZFiqa7E4nEQdNEbopEyWTll-uZRqmn0bBZPh-r6i0o_OSdsm71lk73g/s320/strength1.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And I do live. I live fully, and looking back over the years, I see so many blessings. I see so much living, loving, laughing. I can reflect on years 19 through 38 with joy, with awe, with pride. In those 19 years, I fought against the drain of never feeling well, and I met my soulmate and married him, I birthed two beautiful children, I worked and continue to work, even going full-time a few years ago. I am blessed to have an understanding husband who never makes me feel "less than" when I'm not able to garner the energy to get off the couch, or when my system is so distressed that I have to just lay low for a few hours and not be bothered. I am blessed to have understanding bosses and co-workers who allow me the flexibility I need to be able to take care of myself. I am blessed to have children who watch what I'm eating and remind me when it's something I shouldn't be having! I am blessed to have family and friends who accept me as I am, and understand (or pretend to!) when I'm not feeling well enough to be social. I am blessed with the inner strength, confidence, and determination to continue living fully for the next 19 years, even if I spend them in physical discomfort. I am blessed to always have hope, faith, and an understanding that my journey is not one I am walking alone. Onward to the next 19 years of living! </span><br />
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-43186251749629044962016-05-13T17:02:00.000-07:002016-05-13T17:02:00.367-07:00Caution: Change Ahead<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It somehow has gone from January to May since my last post. I actually have a handful of started posts in my queue, but never finished or published them. I'll write an update post later, but today it's time for a little trip down Memory Lane. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is an inevitability in life (besides death and taxes), and that is CHANGE. Things WILL change, life simply is not stagnant. Change can be difficult, but it can also be a huge blessing and joy. Three years ago, my little family unit of 4 went through some major changes, which have been so great for us. During those same three years, my parents have been talking about a dreaded change...moving from the family home. It makes sense, with all of us grown and out on our own, they have not needed the large house for quite some time now. Still, there was somebody besides the two of them living there up until the baby moved out and married just over a year ago. There was still a grandchild making use of an extra room, until last Fall when that was no longer needed either. They began talking in earnest about their next phase of life, and where it might take them. As exciting as the prospects were (them living closer to us!), there was also the sadness that came with the thought of a piece of my childhood coming to an end. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The house on Creekview Place was house built in 1981/82, with us moving in on Valentine's Day in 1982. At that time, we were a family of 5, it was my big brothers and me, with another baby on the way that summer. For ten years, we lived a lot of life in our cozy 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom home, a strong family unit of 6. Then in 1992 came the big SURPRISE baby nobody except God knew was coming...and we became a family of 7, and added on to make the house 6 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. There was another ten years of full and busy life lived in that home, with my brothers and I all graduating, moving out, getting married. Still the house held many family events, and was the primary gathering place for get togethers. Grandchildren entered the picture, rooms were converted into office space, sewing room, playroom. For ten more years, life continued to be lived fully in that modest home on Creekview Place. During that third decade, Dad retired from his 30+ year career, Mom enjoyed local substitute teaching jobs and providing childcare for grandkids, they watched their baby graduate from high school and start college. There was the whole host of typical life events for them...births of grandchildren, deaths of their mothers, a son's divorce, job & location changes for their children. As the next decade began, they were facing their baby finishing college and moving forward in her life, their other four children were all pretty settled into jobs/careers/houses, Mom retired from subbing, Dad thrived in retirement, but became weary with the responsibilities of keeping up a large house & yard, and they decided it was time. They built that house on Creekview Place in 1982 to raise their family in...and they did a darned good job of that from 1982 to 2015, when their last child left home. While the job of a parent is never completely done, (and my parents had more years of parenting then average, with having the surprise baby when they were 44 & 45 and their oldest child was graduating high school!), their main role in providing a stable home for their growing children is done. The house, so full of memories and moments, of joys and sorrows, of laughter and tears, is ready to become for another family what it was for my family...a home. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This change is bittersweet, but it's important to remember that we are not saying goodbye to the amazing childhood we had on Creekview Place, we are only saying goodbye to the shell that housed the childhood. Granted, the walls of that shell have seen A LOT over the years, but the vital stuff - the moments in time that helped shape each of us five children into who we are today, the memories of holidays and birthdays, of family game nights and sleepovers with friends, of relatives visiting and celebrations being held, right along with the fights and tears, the trials of growing up, the sibling rivalry and bickering - all that is inside each one of us, and it isn't going anywhere. We will say goodbye to the house that was our family home for 34 years, and we will watch another family come in and make some changes and turn that house into their family home, and we will all be okay. We will help Dad and Mom unpack and set up in their new house, and it won't be the same, but it will be good. Change is good. Change like this is vital. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On Sunday evening, the "Original 7" will sit around the family dining table in our home on Creekview Place for the last time, and we will share a meal and memories as we celebrate Dad turning 70 and embarking on this next phase of life. We'll remember the times Dad had to tie us to our kitchen chairs with his mustard-yellow bathrobe belt and the times he took bedroom doors off their hinges as punishment for slamming them. We'll remember sitting around that same table eating birthday cake, followed by watching the slide reel of said birthday child and of the hundreds of games of UNO and May I that were played there. We'll remember when the boys shared a bedroom and fought as brothers do; we'll remember when the girls shared a bedroom and bickered as sisters do, and we'll harass the baby a little because she never had to share a bedroom, and in fact at one point had two rooms and a bathroom all to herself! We'll laugh about the times we siblings pushed our parents to the edge with our bickering and poking at each other. We may recall the times our parents had to go out on the back patio to have a serious conversation without children's listening ears. We'll remember so many good times that happened in that house from 1982 right up until our last big family gathering this Easter...and we'll let go of the not-so-good times, because of course there were plenty of those too! We'll remember the hundred+ other people that spent time in that house over the years - childhood friends, church family, relatives, neighbors, even strangers - who crossed the threshold of that house on Creekview Place, and instantly felt the welcome of a happy, safe home. We'll remember, and we'll celebrate, and then we'll say goodbye. But we'll only be saying goodbye to the house; the home will always be a part of each of us. Dad and Mom are the home, they are what made that house a home, and the unconditional love and support they have provided to us over the years is a legacy that I am honored to call mine, and to share with my siblings. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I travel down Memory Lane this weekend with my parents and my siblings, I will face the sadness of this monumental change head-on and allow the excitement of my parents' next phase of life to be what I dwell on. I am at peace that this change, at this time, is right. As my parents close their chapter at Creekview Place in Scappoose, and they turn the house over to a young family from church (whom they have known the father of since he was a young boy; also his older brother is the Godfather of my baby sister) and they move their belongings in to a house on Lapine Way in Rock Creek (a townhouse which is</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> three houses down from the townhouse Doug and I lived in exactly 14 years ago as we embarked on our married life together), there is absolutely no denying </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God's hand at work in every aspect of this change. </span></div>
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-70637968238116158722016-01-16T19:50:00.003-08:002016-01-16T19:50:47.059-08:00The Silly Side<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thank you for the kind words of support after my last post about Gracie's dental experience. I write about things such as that for two main reasons...to process the situation for myself in a way that I can reflect back on as I learn from it, and to help other parents who may be dealing with similar things. I think it's easy for us parents to feel that we have failed our child when they don't cooperate in a situation the way we think they should; the way we think is "normal", as has been dictated to us by society and the experiences and standards of others. I say to that...you have not failed, nor has your child. We each are unique and have our own way of dealing with things, and it's important not to let the judgements and assumptions of others get us down. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, moving on...it's not all anxiety and difficulties around here! Gracie has the most fabulous imagination, and her ability to entertain herself has always been one of her strengths. This past year she has embraced the written word in many ways; she loves to read, and she loves to write. She recently wrote an adorable short story, and has encouraged me to share it with my blog audience. Keep in mind, she just turned 8 years young...she is innocent in all the best ways, and the context of her story is very literal for her. We as adults read it and find all sorts of silly, cute innuendos that we giggle at, and she will have so much fun reading this when she's older and understands the facts of life. For now, please enjoy this as a light-hearted, fun example of the imagination of Gracie, as she expresses herself through writing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">'The Big Day For Gracie!'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">by Gracie, age 8</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One day in the big city there was a surprise for the special girl whose name was Gracie. She wore a tuxedo suit, even though she was a girl. No one knew what the surprise was for. Everyone brought a gift for her. A tall man stepped on the stage and said: She is coming! Gracie did not know why a stage was there. A man said 'go on the stage' and Gracie went on the stage and then everybody yelled really loud 'Surprise!!!'. Gracie got really startled by the loud noise and she fell to the ground. But she was ok. One at a time each person went up on the stage and gave Gracie a gift, that is what the gifts are for. A little boy named Joel said 'You are a grownup right?'. I said yes. 'And you are married right.' I said yes. 'Do you have any kids?' I said no. 'So go the the hospital.' Why? 'Because it is a secret.' Why? 'Just go, ok?'. So Gracie went to the hospital. A man was working there, he said "Are you Gracie?" and I said yes. "Come this way", so I followed the person. He brought me to a room with a machine that said: Pregnant. 'Oh no, I have to call my husband' I said. "Ok" said the man. I called Ryan. He is my husband. And I said to him: Ryan, get over here, I am going to get pregnant. Ryan said "Ok!" He got there just in time, a man was putting me in a bed on wheels. A hospital bed! Ryan said, "Ok, my wife can get pregnant." The man put me in a machine! It took like ten or 20 minutes and when I came out I was pregnant! I said O.M.G. and so did Ryan! A couple months later me and Ryan and my family went on a boat ride. In the middle of the ride the baby in my tummy was pushing and kicking so we all got off the boat in a hurry. They all picked me up and quickly we found a hospital and I went in there and I pushed the baby out. We named the baby David.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">written 12-20-15</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ah, the innocence! Gracie has always liked playing 'being pregnant' and she loves babies. She often talks about when she is a grownup and gets married, she will marry Ryan (her BFF from Kindergarten) and they will have one baby boy and name him David. She does not like loud noises at all, and she is much happier wearing pants over a dress for special occasions. She has no idea how babies are made (and she reads quite well and may very likely read this blog post, so we will just leave that at that for now!!) but I think her version of it is fantastic!! A few days prior to her writing this story, she watched Cheaper By The Dozen 2 and was enchanted with the oldest child being pregnant, and at the end of the movie the family is all out on a boat, and the daughter goes into labor. I love how Gracie incorporated her dreams of the future, her comfort zone, and a movie sequence that left an impression on her into a cute short story that she was very proud of writing! She has written 2 more stories to follow this one, Day 2 and Day 3, but this first one is the best example of imagination!</span></div>
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-23885075050439242622016-01-14T17:09:00.000-08:002016-01-14T17:09:20.586-08:00That. Was Rough.<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes I think I need to carry around a "mommy card" with me, something to hand out to whomever I am confronted with that needs to know that my daughter isn't like most kids her age. She suffers from debilitating anxiety, and she may not have the same reaction to, say, the dentist, as another child would. She may freeze with the inexplicable fear that the process is going to hurt; she may not be able to shake the idea from her head that the hygienist is mean and dislikes her; she may be gathering all her courage and bravery and fighting the worry bully with everything she has, but still may not be able to cooperate. And as her mother, I will advocate for her. I will not be forced from the room, or allow my child to be made to feel that she is simply being uncooperative or she lacks discipline. I will speak up for her when she is literally unable to speak up for herself. I will support her fears, though they are unfounded and do not make any sense. They are very real to her, and I recognize this, and I will stand up for her. I will not be bullied by the judgement of others who have no idea what is going on inside my daughter's body. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, with that said, Gracie had a dentist appointment this morning. This was her third time at this particular clinic, with the previous two times not being very successful. We consulted with the dentist the last time and decided to try one more "regular" appointment and see how she does. I made the appointment just yesterday, so she didn't have a long time to worry and fret over it. It was first thing in the morning so there weren't a lot of other patients to overwhelm her. I talked calmly with her about it on the drive there. She was ready; she had her comfort items to hold onto, she was practicing her breathing, and she was determined to get through this will full cooperation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then she was called back to the exam room. I went with her, knowing she simply is not able to cope with something like this on her own. Maybe "most" 8 year olds don't "need" their parent to accompany them to the dentist chair, but my child needs me, case closed, judgement from others not necessary. She was fine walking back, but as soon as the chair was in view, she froze. I felt it, her entire body literally stopped, her breathing got fast, and she struggled between a panic attack and wanting to cooperate. It broke my heart.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She managed to get into the chair, but no amount of pleading, begging, deep breathing, other coping techniques, threatening, etc could get her to open her mouth. The hygienist was patient, she stayed calm, she asked me the questions I'm used to by now..."is she on medication?", "what does her doctor say?", "does she go to therapy?", "maybe it would be better if you weren't here?". I basically let her know that my daughter has extreme anxiety, she has learned several coping mechanisms and has come a long way in the last two years, but certain situations cause a high anxiety reaction, and obviously the dentist is one of them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The dentist came to see Gracie and suggested a panoramic X-ray so he could see what's going on in her mouth and determine a plan of action. She cooperated beautifully for the X-ray, they were able to see the cavities, the plaque build-up, the baby teeth that need to come out. We decided a sedated appointment to take care of everything at one time, while she sleeps, would be best for her. We scheduled that and went on our way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I cried more in that hour at the dentist office than I have in the entire last few months. My heart broke for my child. I was so sad for her, that she was so overcome with fear and anxiety and unable to do what she most wanted to do...cooperate. In the car, she kept saying "I'm so sorry mommy. I tried my best mommy. I don't know why I couldn't cooperate mommy. Are you mad mommy?" I assured her she most definitely DID try her hardest to overcome the fear, and she was not in any trouble, and no I'm not mad, I'm crying because I'm sad for her, and I want to be able to take those icky feelings away for her, but I can't, and that stinks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It stinks. It's rough. Others don't understand. I feel judged, and in that judgement it's obvious that I have failed. There's a litany of things I haven't done right over the past 8 years that have led to my daughter's behavior being this way. I should have...if only I had...why didn't I...why. Why indeed. As quick as I feel that judgement, I reject it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I may not have done everything exactly right over the past 8 years, but my daughter's anxious behavior and unfounded fears are not my fault. They are not her fault either. This is simply part of her makeup; a struggle to be sure, but one she will continue to manage with bravery and courage. I will not be made to feel like a parental failure because my child is unable to cooperate with a dental cleaning. I will most certainly not allow my child to feel like a failure because of this either. She did not fail today. She dug deep down to find her courage, she let an X-ray be taken that was able to provide the dentist the big picture of her mouth, and we came up with a plan to get her taken care of. She tried her best to fight the fear and to beat up the worry bully. She didn't just lay down and let him walk all over her. She didn't just give in to the panic attack and let it take her body over. She fought. In doing so, she's a winner in my book. </span><br />
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-71245593475947523042016-01-13T20:17:00.000-08:002016-01-13T20:17:15.420-08:00Loaded Question<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's such a simple question, and too often when we ask it we aren't really listening to the answer. We're expecting 'fine', 'good', 'okay', or one of the other standard platitudes that most of us respond with when asked. Have you ever wondered what would happen if we all answered that question honestly? If we laid it all out there, were completely transparent and vulnerable with how we truly felt in that moment?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, honestly, I'm not so great today. I have a headache, I didn't sleep well last night, I'm bloated, and I truly wish I was in bed right now, snuggled cozily under the covers, sleeping with blissful ignorance of the turmoil in and around me. I'm feeling irritable, did I mention I have a headache? I'm tired, I'm having a difficult time focusing on my work, I'm easily distracted today and have only gotten as far as I have through grace and grit. I'm feeling frustrated with people, with chaos going on in the global world, with monetary and social injustices that I have zero control over, that maybe don't even directly affect me, but I'm irritated about it all the same. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At the very same time, though, I feel blessed. I'm facing my day with difficulties and distractions, but I'm facing my day. I'm feeling weak in body, but strong in spirit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And how are YOU today? Truthfully? Be honest with yourself, because it's okay for you to not be okay. It's okay to have a rough day, week, month...year. It's okay to not have everything going the way you would like it to. It's okay if you're feeling off. It's okay, as long as you are continuing to live. Continuing to accept grace and find your grit and face each day, feeling grateful and knowing you are blessed. After all, you woke up this morning...that alone is something to be grateful for. </span><br />
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-38403208770400550602015-09-21T13:53:00.000-07:002015-09-21T13:54:38.035-07:00Don't Understand My Daughter?<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Halfway through Gracie's Kindergarten year, I wrote about her extreme anxiety. At that point in time, I was just starting to accept that she was dealing with this issue; it was becoming increasingly obvious as she went through her first year of school that there was more going on with her than just shyness, timidness, and stubbornness. I was watching her carefully, talking with her at home about what I was watching, trying to figure out what game she was playing. Being clingy to mom in unfamiliar situations is one thing; being uncomfortable talking to people she doesn't know is one thing; being sad when she has to be away from home is one thing; but being so desperately clingy to mom, even in familiar situations; being unable to talk to people that she does know; being sad even at home...well, that all points to something way more! After much observation, conversation, and research, it started to add up to something identifiable...anxiety. Extreme anxiety, which at 6 years old, she was completely unable to express or understand. She just knew that she was worried; all the time, about little things, big things, often times about nothing. She just knew that she felt frozen, literally unable to move or speak, when faced with situations that put her on the spot. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She just knew that she felt put on the spot any time anybody talked to her. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She just knew that she was causing mom and dad to be frustrated a lot, pushing them to the edge when she couldn't cooperate with simple requests or answer the "why" about her behavior. She just knew that she was overcome with worry, that her mind would not stop thinking about the unknowns, the what-ifs, the maybe-this-or-maybe-that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As it started to become clear to me that she was suffering from anxiety, I read as much as I could find about childhood anxiety. I read case after case that were just like her; I talked with others who had dealt with similar types of behaviors in their children (including my own mother, as both of my sisters deal with anxiety). I talked with her teacher, asked questions at her doctor appointment. I talked with my husband at length, because it was becoming more clear to me that he, too, suffers from some anxiety, and that as a child, he dealt with many of the same feelings that Gracie was dealing with. I watched Gracie's behavior even more carefully, and tried techniques I was reading about to help calm her, to help ease the anxiety. I helped her use tools we were learning when she was faced with situations that were uncomfortable, uncertain, and just plain difficult for her. I tried to explain to others why she was behaving as she was. I tried to understand for myself why she was behaving as she was! I wrote, in hopes of helping to explain to family and friends, to those who had asked us "why" so many times before, in hopes of forcing myself to understand. </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>http://www.sufficientgrace7.blogspot.com/2014/03/parenting-anxious-child.html</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And life went on, as it has a way of doing. Kindergarten finished, first grade began. Another new situation; new teacher, all-day schedule, busy classroom full of active classmates. We continued to work with Gracie, to push her when she needed pushing, to advocate for her when she needed advocating, to talk to her about what she was feeling, what was going on inside her head, inside her body. We struggled, her dad and I. We struggled alongside her, because as parents you want nothing more than to see your child happy, adjusted, and "normal". We struggled because she pushed us to the brink so often, to that point of frustration where you find yourself yelling, even though you know it's futile. I struggled because I just couldn't understand. I couldn't make sense of it, of why she wouldn't/couldn't just do what I wanted her to do. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And then, I stopped.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I gave up trying to understand.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I gave up trying to make sense of that which I wouldn't/couldn't understand.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Instead, I accepted.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I accepted that, even though I didn't like it and I didn't want it for my child, this was how it was going to be for Gracie. Anxiety was going to cause her to feel more than a child should feel; to worry more than a child should worry; to stress more than a child should stress. Anxiety was going to make certain situations very difficult for her to handle; it was going to make some situations impossible for her to handle. Anxiety was her reality. Anxiety IS her reality. With her second grade year now underway, and her 8th birthday on the horizon, she is making progress in understanding for herself how anxiety affects her, and how she can overcome it. She continues to "do courage" and her motto remains "be brave". She is learning to speak up for herself, to advocate for herself, to express herself better. She is learning to face scary, unknown situations without clinging to mom. She is trying harder to talk when spoken to, to not let the freezing take over as often. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are those who tell me that I've unnecessarily put a label on my child. There are those who tell me that I'm holding Gracie back by giving her this "crutch" to use when she doesn't want to do something. There are those who tell my I'm babying her, I'm not forcing her to deal with things herself, I this-that-and-the-other. Truth be told, nothing that anybody has said to me is something I haven't already said to myself. Truth be told, I hesitated a lot before using the word 'anxiety' in front of Gracie. Truth be told, I wish I could force her to do anything! Truth be told...anxiety is her reality, and she deserves to know that there is a name for all those feelings she feels too much; for all that worrying she does; for all those scary times that she feels frozen. She deserves to know that anxiety takes hold of her in those moments, that there isn't anything 'bad' or 'wrong' about her. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the knowing, Gracie has found some freedom. She can place a name to those feelings, those worries, those stresses, and in doing so she knows what she is trying to overcome. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the accepting, I have found some freedom. Letting others know that Gracie suffers from extreme anxiety is not labeling my child; it is putting a name to behavior that is misunderstood as rudeness or stubbornness. Yes, there are times that Gracie is just being rude or playing a game of stubbornness to see what she can get away with. But more often, Gracie is faced with a chemical reaction in her body that causes her to freeze and takes away her ability to speak; this is very real for her. You don't have to understand, but I do hope you will accept. I hope you will give her a chance to work through it; give her time to be able to get the words out. I hope you will accept that her behavior has nothing to do with you; it's not about liking/disliking or trusting/distrusting you. I hope you will stop trying to understand her, and simply start accepting her. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't understand my daughter's anxiety, but I accept that anxiety is her reality.</span></div>
angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-90794740642427747072015-09-11T13:39:00.000-07:002015-09-11T13:39:21.865-07:00Don't Understand Me<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This blog has been rolling around in my mind for a few weeks now, and after the big "back to school" week we've had, I feel it's the right time to get it written down. It may very well be a two or three part blog, I have a lot to say about this!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are a lot of areas in my life, related to my health issues, my parenting style, my children's behaviors, etc, that I find myself continually trying to explain in a way that will help another person understand. It's our instinct to want those around us to understand what we are feeling, why we are making our choices, what is driving us. It too is our instinct to want to understand those same things of others. But I have found, over years of explaining, hoping for understanding, and trying to understand, that the reality is...if you're not in my shoes, feeling what I feel, making the choices I am making, being driven by what is driving me, then you really cannot and will not, ever, truly understand me. To be certain, at some point along the way you will tell me, "I understand how hard that is" or "I understand why you did that" or even "I understand what it's like to be you", and I will say those same things to you. And there will be times that we do actually understand each other, find ourselves coming from the same place, thinking and feeling the same way. There will be times of understanding each other, but more often than not, we say those words without truly meaning them. Because I guarantee that I rarely understand the ways of others, often find myself judging actions and behaviors because they make no sense to me. And because you really don't know how hard it is for me, you really don't understand what it's like to be in my head and body. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I am so thankful for that. I embrace your inability to understand me! I encourage you to <b>not</b> understand me! I don't want you to feel what I'm feeling! I don't want your understanding. I don't need your understanding. And I don't need to understand things that make no sense to me. I don't have time to understand those things! You don't have time to understand my things!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Instead, I seek your acceptance. Accept that the way I feel, the choices I make, the things that drive me, are <b>my</b> reality. Accept me for who I am, how I am, and how we are different. In turn, know that I accept you, even when I don't understand you. I accept that we are different, I accept that it makes sense to you even when it seems completely bizarre to me. I accept that what you tell me is your reality.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don't understand.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Accept.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It seems simple enough when broken down like that...you will not always have the ability to truly and fully <b>understand</b> me but you do have the ability to simply <b>accept</b> me. You cannot possibly understand what it feels like to have a slugged up digestive system that I can, literally, feel working 24/7, 365 days a year, unless you, too, have that same slugged up system. You cannot possibly understand what it feels like for me to live under a cloud of depression, how even when I'm happy and doing the things I enjoy, there's a dark tint to it, a lack of energy that can make it appear that I'm not enjoying life, unless you, too, live under that cloud. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Truth is, I don't want you to understand, because I don't want you to have the slugged up system or live under that cloud. I do, however, want you to accept that I have that slugged up system and I live under that cloud, and therefore I do not have the same energy for life that you do, I do not make the choices that you might make. I don't need your understanding, but I also don't need your criticism, and often don't need your advice...I just need your acceptance. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In return, I offer you my acceptance. I have given up trying to understand how those around me, family, friends, and strangers alike, feel or why they act as they do, or make the choices they do, or are driven by what drives them. I won't understand them, because I am not them. I am not walking in their shoes or living in their bodies, so I release myself from the burden of trying to understand. Instead, I accept. I accept you, even when I don't agree with you, even when I think you should act differently or make different choices. I accept that you are living life as you need to, and are happy because you tell me you are, and I accept that we are different. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's freeing, this acceptance of others. This letting others just be who they are, regardless of my own understanding or view. In accepting others as they are, I no longer have to expend negative energy at being frustrated at the lack of understanding. I can just do what I'm called to do by God...love. </span></div>
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-6330992394115157482015-07-13T11:09:00.001-07:002015-07-13T11:09:08.457-07:00Five Years<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5 years ago I woke up in the hospital on this day and got to spend some time with my 1 day old son in the nursery...he was so tiny, but no longer under the oxygen hood, though he did have oxygen thru his nose and some other things connected to him, but we could tell he was strong, and a fighter, and the nurses were confident that he was not going to need a NICU. He has brought joy and frustration to my life every day since his early birth, and I wouldn't trade it for anything! He put me through some moments of anxiety when I was pregnant with him, and forced me to slow down my pace and to take care of myself, thus taking care of him. He tried to enter the world on July 5th, but my doctor was able to stop the contractions and keep him in there to cook a bit longer. When I woke up at 2:30am on July 12th, I knew that was going to be the day. <i>(I had complete placenta previa, and after the labor was stopped the week before, my doctor said if there was any more bleeding he would have to do a C-section right away). </i>It was scary, knowing he was coming at just 35 weeks along, but I also knew that God had it under control, and I just needed to stay calm. He entered the world on July 12, 2010 at 8:53am, a little thing at just over 5 pounds, no complications with the C-section, and other than his lungs being a bit underdeveloped, he seemed good. They put him under an oxygen hood for 24 hours, kept him in the nursery for 5 days, only Doug and I could see him, and the hardest thing I had to do was leave the hospital one day before he was released, but we live so very close and I knew it would be my last "good" night of sleep for awhile! They warned us he couldn't leave the hospital until he had been without oxygen in his nose for 24 hours, and each time they removed it they had to put it back after a few hours. Until the day that he pulled it out of his nose himself, and didn't need it again! They warned us he would likely not pass the "car seat test" and would have to leave in a special bucket seat, but he sat strapped in to his car seat in the nursery for 90 minutes keeping his head up, therefore not cutting off his airflow, and was able to go home in his own seat. They warned us his jaundice might get worse and require coming back to be under the lights, but being July there was plenty of sunlight outside so we put him on the floor by the patio several times each day and his skin lost it's orange-y tint quickly. We heeded their warnings but didn't worry, we knew God was in control, and what needed to be would be. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Being early, we were warned that he would likely be a bit behind with the typical milestones...sitting up, crawling, walking, cutting teeth, etc. While he was pretty small the first couple months and we had to feed him constantly to get his weight up, by six months old you wouldn't even know he had been born early. When we had his first birthday party, he was walking all over the park and showing off his top and bottom teeth. He started throwing a ball around as soon as he could hold one, and at 18 months old was throwing a softball with amazing accuracy to his great-grandpa during a California visit. He picked up a love of trucks early on (kinda a given with his dad's influence!!), and has amassed quite the collection over the years, but more impressive is that he knows every car and truck he has! He can stand in the Hot Wheels section at the store and pick through them quickly, "I have that one, I have that one but it's red instead of yellow, I don't have that one yet!" He has a head for numbers and loves to count, and he likes things to be even, fair, and make sense. He's methodical and careful, as can be evidenced when watching him open his birthday presents. One piece of wrapping paper at a time, and disposing of it before tearing off another piece! He's aware of rules and wants everyone to follow them, which makes for some interesting times playing with his big sister who has a tendency to make rules up as she goes (rules that play in her favor, of course!). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He can throw a tantrum to rival that of a typical 2 year old, and he can be very intense in his frustration about not getting his way. We have to remind him that stomping, throwing things, punching out into the air, are NOT ways to ensure he will get what he wants, and the garage is full of toys that have been taken away as a result of him continually trying to learn that lesson. He's stubborn, luckily his dad and I are as well so we can out-stubborn him when need be! He's active, and can spend hours playing basketball inside or out (there are hoops on almost every door inside the house), and doing American Ninja Warrior obstacles on the swing set. He's careful, and isn't too keen on getting greasy working on trucks with dad, he prefers to be inside playing with toy trucks while dad is outside playing with real ones.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He loves his momma, and enjoys snuggling up and watching TV or reading. He doesn't like me being gone so much, and will often ask "how many days until you don't have work?" and "how many days don't you have to go to work?" We make the most of evenings, weekends, days off, and talk a lot about how lucky he is to have a daddy at home with him all day, playing and taking care of him. He is a night owl and stays up way too late most days, which will be a difficult thing to break him of before school starts. He likes to sleep in, which will also be a difficult habit to break him of, but we'll get there! He's excited to be going to Kindergarten at "Gracie's school", and while he seems so small to me to be at a big school all day, he also is seeming more and more ready as the summer weeks go by. There are less of the "toddler" moments and more of the "wow, he's such a kid now!" moments. He is enjoying time with his friends this summer, and it's fun to watch him interact with others his age, to listen to their conversations about sports and TV shows, about superheroes and poop, about siblings and technology. He has a great sense of humor, and makes us laugh with his silly comments and goofy antics.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He turned 5 yesterday, and it was a fantastically fun day celebrated with family and friends. We had a party for him at the same park we had his 1st birthday party at, and many of the same family and friends were in attendance. He's so blessed to have such love in his life; close family, lifetime friends, new friends. We're so blessed as a family unit, and we look so forward to the upcoming year of positive changes and growth as we head into the fall and both kids being in school. It's a new chapter, not yet written but full of expectation, and we will take each day as it comes, embracing the trials and rejoicing in the triumphs, but focusing on the moments that make up each day and living each one fully.</span></div>
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-12334283984111710102015-05-11T15:52:00.001-07:002015-05-11T15:53:23.119-07:00Looking Back in Order to Look Forward<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's interesting to look back on something I wrote 2 years ago, and to know that we did something to remedy the time debt we were in, and we are a happier, more fulfilled little family because of it! Interesting too, however, that I feel so much the same now as I did then...that not enough attention is being paid to the moment, to being happy in the right now instead of getting caught up in all the negativity around us, or getting so caught up in an unknown future. If you aren't happy with something in your life, you can make a choice to change it. What you choose to do right now will not only impact this moment, but will impact your future moments, and you have the power to impact them positively. Drown out the negativity in the world around us with your light; let go of things that are draining you financially; let go of people that are draining you emotionally. Decide what you want, not what others want for you, and take action to make it happen. We wanted more time as a family, we took action to bring Doug home from his time-draining retail job. Has it been easy? No. Will it last forever? Probably not. Has it been the right and best thing for our family at this season in our life? Yes. Is it the right thing for other families? Not necessarily. Would we do anything differently? Nope. Less can mean more; less money meant more time for our family, less things (that we incidentally do not get to take to heaven with us when our earthly time is over) meant more meaningful moments spent as a family (of which the memories will last in our hearts and minds far longer than the 'stuff' will last). We weren't happy with our circumstances and did not want to be in the same place five years later...so we made a choice to make a change, and now two years later we continue to be glad we took action! The action we took is not an option for every family, everybody's situation looks differently and what works for some will not work for all. Do not be discouraged by that! Just do what is right for you, and take everything you try as an opportunity to learn and grow, and know that each experience shapes your path of life. Most importantly, live in the moment.</span></div>
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-3344648819890035692015-05-08T11:40:00.001-07:002015-05-08T11:47:09.061-07:00It's Okay To Be You!<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who are you, really? At your core, in your heart? What do
you believe in? What will you stand up for? What do you want to do with your
life? What talents do you have that you can share with others? Are you
passionate about something? Are you happy? Do you think you are happy, but it
seems like everything that the vast media around you is telling you makes it so
you feel like it’s not okay to be happy with yourself?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Every time I log on to my social media accounts, or peruse
the lovely world wide web, or pick up a magazine, or turn on the news…I am
bombarded with other people’s thoughts, ideas, quotes, pictures, links to this article
or that website, postings that are forwards of what somebody else has posted.
Often times, there is a nugget of inspiration in those thoughts, ideas, quotes,
articles. Often times, something lifts my blah mood, makes me laugh or smile,
helps remind me that there is more going on in the world than what I see in my
little bubble of daily life. However, just as often, there are negative things
filling my screen, other people’s moments of unhappiness, discontent, and
bitterness that can threaten my positive mood, turn my smile into a frown. Quotes and articles that have no foundation,
no real value, they are simply another rant about this-that-or-the-other thing
that is wrong with society today. And I
find myself wondering…does the person that I am friends with who posted this,
really believe in it? Do they realize the negative connotation of what the
article says, or the vulgarity of the video, or the complete uselessness of the
quote? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So often “friends” (because really, in this world of social
media, are we truly friends with all these followers of us and those we follow?) post items that
they believe in, because it speaks to a piece of who they are, or where they
are at in their path of life; because it
has some sort of impact on them. But the more I read these items, the more I
let those things sink into my own consciousness, the more I find myself wanting
to tell my “friends” to just stop. Stop reposting everyone else’s thoughts, and
start figuring out what your own thoughts are. Stop letting other people
dictate what you believe in, or what you want to do with your life, or how you
want to share your talents. Stop. Be still. Let go of everyone around you for a
minute, and look into your own heart, your own soul, your own mind. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What do YOU
believe in, regardless if your peers share the belief? What will YOU stand up
for, regardless if your peers will stand beside you? What do YOU want to do
with your life, regardless if your peers tell you it’s wrong or not prosperous
enough, or you can do better with what they are doing? What talents do YOU have
to share with those around you, regardless if anybody else has that same
talent? What are YOU passionate about, regardless if anybody else is passionate
about it? Are YOU happy, regardless if your peers are happy and society in
general is throwing all kinds of crapola at us that tells us we really shouldn’t
be happy, because then we are comfortable, and if we are comfortable, then we
aren’t doing enough?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I love to read, when a friend shares a link to an article or blog, chances are pretty good that I'll click on it to check it out. There is a lot of good stuff out there to be shared. A lot of food for thought. I have read a lot of stuff lately about being "authentic".
About being your best you; reaching your full potential, creating a legacy of
greatness, breaking down barriers, going beyond your comfort zone to do more
and be more. But honestly, being authentic is about being genuine. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Are you being authentic if you're just sharing what someone else has said, or written, or done? It's great to share something that made an impact on you, so share it and also share why it meant something to you. Share a piece of yourself along with the piece of someone else you are forwarding. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Are you being genuine if you're just going with the flow of what someone else is doing, because it's working for them? Being
genuinely YOU; having your own thoughts, your own ideas, making your own
decisions and being content with your choices, is the only way you can truly be authentic. Being happy, being comfortable;
because honestly? You need to be comfortable in this crazy, chaotic life. You don’t need to duplicate what somebody else is doing, just because it
is their answer to being happy. You don’t need to feel like you are lacking
something in your life because you thrive in your comfort, because you’re happy
living in your little bubble of daily life, spending time with those you love, doing the
things you enjoy. Why is that a bad thing? Why are we being bombarded with
things telling us that it’s not okay to life a simple life, doing what you
enjoy, providing for your family, being content? Living, loving, laughing,
every day. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Every moment, because the
only guarantee you have is the moment you are living right now. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So live this moment, being authentically YOU,
being genuine to who YOU are, letting go of expectations that have been placed
on you by others, or that you have placed on yourself, or feel have been placed on you by society, by the concept that it takes more to be happy. It
doesn’t. It just takes being YOU; making your mistakes, stumbling but picking yourself back up, being happy, being comfortable, enjoying each moment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And once in a while, when you see an image that inspires you, or gets your thoughts going, or simply makes you smile, share it, because often times, it will help somebody else. It will get their thoughts going, open up conversations they need to be having, inspire them, or simply make them smile when nothing else can.</span></div>
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-24836721858669622322015-02-27T12:48:00.000-08:002015-02-27T12:48:13.410-08:00When Is More Enough?<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have come to this page several times in the past month to write something, as there has been much on my mind. The words, however, have not been flowing very freely. I find myself in a very introspective mood lately, contemplating a lot of things, seeking some sort of peace with my thoughts. That's not to say I'm unhappy, unsettled, or confused; simply that there is so much thrown at me from outside sources (people, news, social media, etc), that I'm trying to separate what I need to let in from what I don't need to be drawn in to. This world we live in is one that can simply inundate us with stuff that is so decidedly unimportant, yet we easily get drawn into it because it's all around us. Drama and discontent are everywhere, and many people seem to thrive on being part of it. I've often felt this is due mostly in part to fear; fear of stopping, deciding what you want, working to achieve it, and being settled and content with your life. Fear is driven by a lack of confidence, not being confident of your dreams and goals, not being confident of those you choose to walk in life with, not being confident that you've made the right choices, not being confident with being content. I'm not sure where along the path of history it became unacceptable to be settled, to be content, to enjoy a simple life with your family and friends. When did it become necessary to always be having "fun", to drive oneself deeper and deeper into debt in order to have new cars, new technology, lots of things, fancy vacations? When did it become unacceptable to work hard at your job, providing for yourself or your family? Why are we being told that we need to be more, do more, make more, spend more? It's like nothing is ever enough, and the message this is sending to the next generation is a scary one. The message that <i>they</i> are not enough. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to achieve more, if your intention is to do so for personal growth, or to provide a better life for yourself or your family if you're drowning in student loans, credit card debt, or time debt. We must seek continual growth in life, to always be learning new things and living out our goals, dreams, and purpose. Adventure is great, meeting new people is important, trying new things, expanding ourselves beyond our comfort zone. These are not negatives by any means, but nor is it a negative to be happy with your life as it is, as you've chosen it to be. Sometimes we get so caught up in a societal need to have bigger dreams, bigger goals, bigger purpose that we lose sight of who we truly are, what God has created each of us, as an individual, for. He created us to love. As simple as that...love God, love others, love yourself. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here's the thing...God created you, in His perfect vision, before He even placed you in your mother's womb. Stop and ponder that for a moment. He knew you first; you are His creation; He created you with purpose and a plan. No one person was created with any more importance than another; we simply were each created for a unique purpose. Your purpose may be small and only have an impact on those directly around you, or it may be huge and have an impact worldwide. Regardless, it is important, it matters, it works with the purposes of others around you. God has written it on your heart, and He will help you succeed if you choose to follow His will. He will help you be who He destined you to be, who He formed you to be, if you will choose to seek Him, to listen to Him, and to not get too caught up in the need for more.</span><br />
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-5968904422230961402015-01-09T11:19:00.000-08:002015-01-09T11:19:21.473-08:00Following It Up<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thank you for your many kind words and support relating to my last post. I didn't post that to garner sympathy or to raise concern of my well-being, but to explain where I've been at the past few months, both physically and mentally. Many of you know that I struggle with a sluggish digestive system that causes me to feel bloated and uncomfortable on a regular basis. I am always aware of my guts, always feeling them, and they are never happy! I tried a new medication recently that was, I hoped, going to be the one finally that would bring me relief...but it didn't work out that way, and often times when that happens it puts me on a bit of a downward spiral with my depression. Such is the way of medical ailments, and I fully realize that what I struggle with is a drop in the bucket compared to what so many are dealing with. However, I also recognize that my struggle is very real, for me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My daughter asked me recently how old I was when I discovered that I couldn't drink milk. I answered her quickly, "I was 10", because I remember that year of my live very vividly! It took us several months to determine what was causing my bellyaches and bloating, and even once it was determined that lactose was the culprit, there were more months of learning about everything that contains lactose and how that affects me too. The thing is, not being able to drink milk is not that big a deal. Even having to avoid ice cream, cheese, all those yummy things made with milk and therefore containing lactose, is not that awful. What is awful is that, when I was 20, after suffering from months of bloating and constipation even while avoiding all those foods, it was discovered that I have a motility disorder of my intestines, as well as severe acid reflux disease (GERD), and mild gastroparesis. In more recent years, I also have tested positive regularly for small intestine bacterial overgrowth (SIBO). This means that even if I carefully avoid the lactose-laden foods that will not digest properly, I still feel yucky. All the time. All. The. Time. The other problem is the catch-22 of what to actually eat...carbs are best for the slow digestion, but carbs are the worst thing for the SIBO.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I could write pages on all the tests I've been through, the medications I've tried, the diet tricks, the naturopathic remedies, how aware I am that digestive health is related to many areas we can control (diet, exercise, etc), and so on and so forth. There will always be new things to try, and sometimes they will work. Maybe for a short time, maybe for the long-term. People will always want to share their thoughts with me, give me their tricks and tell me what they know about it. The thing is, as grateful as I am for the continued medical research into motility disorders of the guts, and for the advice, expertise, and general thoughts of others...nobody can really know how I feel and how severely that constant discomfort affects all other aspects of my life. Eating right, exercising, drinking lots of water, taking my medications, taking supplements - all of this aside, I will STILL be bloated, I will STILL be constipated, I will STILL feel generally unwell on a regular basis. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However...I am used to feeling this way, I am used to doing what I need to despite feeling this way, and I am fortunate to have a 16 year relationship with my GI doctor who knows my complete history with this gastro stuff. I AM okay! I AM going to live each day as fully as I can! I AM going to continue to do all the things I need and want to...care for my family, work, participate in church and school activities, hang out with friends and family...despite how I feel. I am NOT going to let the discomforts of my health issues be an excuse for not doing things, for not living life fully. But there will be times that I am getting through my day by sheer grit, and there will be times that I am extra cranky or despondent, that I cannot get myself going in the morning or cannot participate fully in the tasks of the day. There are times that the cloud over me becomes a cloud inside of me. This is my reality. Writing my blog helps me to process my reality, to share my struggles, to voice things that I am not always able to talk about. </span></div>
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-552498867771397022015-01-05T19:06:00.000-08:002015-01-05T19:06:43.449-08:00New Year, New Update<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On Monday, October 20th I posted what was intended to be the first of a trio of posts about Fall, my most favorite season. Jump ahead 11 weeks, and here we are on Monday, January 5th, and I am finally writing another blog post. In those 11 weeks, Fall turned to Winter, 2014 turned to 2015, and my favorite holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas have come and gone. Our daughter turned 7 on Thanksgiving Day, both kids were wide awake on Christmas morning at 4:30am, full of excitement and anticipation of what Santa had left for them. Our preschooler had his Christmas program at school, and participated in the pageant at church. Our first grader looked forward to the 2 week school break, and went back to school this morning with mixed emotions...excited to see friends again, sad to not be home playing with Daddy all day, grumpy at having to wake up early after so many days of sleeping in. There was a company Christmas party that Doug and I had fun at, (even though it's work for me!), a visit with Santa, several Christmas gatherings bringing the opportunity to see lots of family and friends. Last week brought a nice 5-day weekend for me, with ample time to spend at home putting Christmas away, finding a place for the kids' new toys, falling asleep before midnight on New Year's Eve (and being annoyed at the fireworks waking me up at 12am!), relaxing and reading, catching up on housework and home finances. Pondering 2014, getting ready for 2015 and getting </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">back to work, back to school, back to regular routines. Thinking about this blog posting that has been on my mind for several weeks now, my need to share where I'm at these days, and why I've been silent, distant.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The main reason I've been silent from my blog, and silent from much of life outside of work and family, is that my ongoing digestive discomforts and associated depression have really taken over. My energy levels are depleted, and I tend to use what I have at work to get my job done and the little that's left is given to my children. Often times, they get the worst of me at home...short-tempered, cranky, despondent. Way too many evenings find me on the couch from the time I get home from work until the time I gratefully go to bed, where I would just as soon spend my days right now. Many days I put up a good front to get through whatever needs my attention...but inside, I just look forward to 9pm when I can go to bed and not have to feel or think for 8 to 10 hours. I am content to simply read novels and drink hot tea all day. I WANT to feel better then this, I WANT to have energy and motivation to interact with my husband and my children, to do more with my day. I fully recognize that depression has me in it clutches, and my relationships are suffering as a result. If you are one of the friends I've neglected, I apologize. I apologize to my children regularly. I apologize to my husband regularly as well, try to seek his understanding. I apologize to myself constantly...I know I'm better than the depression, I know I'm capable of doing more and living more despite not feeling well. I intend to see my doctor soon and increase my anti-depressants, because regardless of how anybody views medication and depression, I KNOW the difference in myself and I KNOW that I can feel better and more alive with the right prescription.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I share this with you not to seek empathy or comfort, but simply to explain. There are several people who I have essentially shut out in past months, I imagine if you are one of them, reading this, you know who you are. I've not answered phones calls and texts, put off lunch dates, used the 'so busy' excuse way too many times. The thing is, even though I recognize that I'm depressed, I am somewhat helpless to do anything about it. I know that won't make sense to most, and that is perfectly okay. Much like the problems I have with my guts and the discomfort I feel 24/7, the cloud of depression is another thing I would prefer that you not understand. To truly comprehend, you would have to be suffering the same things, and I wish that on nobody.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I share this with you not to seek answers or options, but simply to explain. To explain that I am okay, at the heart of it, I am truly okay. I am strong, and I know what steps I can take to get my mental health back on track. I am not feeling hopeless. I have not given up. I have lived with this stuff for 16+ years, and the most important part of that statement is...I Have Lived. I haven't ever given up, haven't ever crawled under the covers and said "I'm Done", haven't lost hope that someday there will be something that gets my guts working properly again. I continue to live. To work, to take care of my family, to participate in the PTA and church, to be social. The times that I'm quiet, and I don't respond to messages or I put off social plans, or I appear to be forcing myself to smile (I most likely am!), or I'm present but I'm not really there...I apologize for those times. There will be more of those times, I'm certain of this, and while I don't ask you to understand, I do ask you to accept. Accept that I'm not actually shutting you out, that I do care, that I am living...just that there is a cloud over me, and I'm doing my best to be my best self despite it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm posting this blog today for two main reasons...the first one being, there are several friends and family members who I hope will read this post and "hear" where I'm at, where I've been the past few months, in my ongoing battle with my guts and the subsequent depression I suffer from; and two, I think that how I'm feeling, as though there is a cloud of depression over me, is not something that I am alone in, but I think a lot of people don't know how to talk about it, or how to explain it, or may not even realize they are suffering from it. I just want to put a voice to it, and to the very real struggle that I go through daily, knowing the cloud is over me and not wanting to let it drag me all the way under. It won't ever drag me under, because I keep my eyes above and I know, without any shadow of a doubt, that the Lord is walking beside me and providing me hope and peace. It doesn't have to make sense, why my body doesn't work properly and why I have to feel this way all the time, it just is. Just as it may not make sense that I would continue to find hope and trust in the Lord, but I do. </span></div>
angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-63808325467911642092014-10-20T19:38:00.003-07:002014-10-20T19:38:53.807-07:00Why I Love Fall - Reason #1<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Gorgeous fall colors! I love the deep reds, variant shades of orange, the bright yellows, all mixed in with the green still left from summer. Trees in fall make me smile. Checking out the trees in fall with my little family makes me smile more.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Gracie in my parents' backyard, October 2009...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doug & Gracie at Oregon Heritage Farms, October 2010 & October 2011</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: left;">We missed a fall foliage picture in 2012, but continued the tradition of the "Daddy & Gracie at the apple farm" picture at Oregon Heritage Farms in 2013...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This weekend we made our annual stop at the apple farm, and Gracie was decked out in her pumpkin hat...the same one she is wearing in her 2009 picture, it's a Gymboree size 18-24 months!! Here she is with Daddy at Oregon Heritage Farms, October 2014...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-80055985317988734812014-10-13T11:02:00.003-07:002014-10-13T11:02:54.015-07:00Time Off<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To say that time flies by is so redundant, it's an excuse we over-use to explain away why we haven't done something or why we haven't been in touch with someone. There is truth in the statement, time really does go by quickly and each 24 hour day comes to a close before we've gotten to everything and everyone on the to-do list. However, time hasn't changed over the years...1 hour is still 60 minutes, 1 day is still comprised of 24 hours. What has changed is how much we take on to fill our 24 hours with. We over-book, over-extend, over-commit. Life has taken on such a fast pace, technology has increased how quickly we can get things done and how we correspond with others, we have unwittingly adapted by taking on more than we realistically should. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That said, although I could easily fill this post with all the reasons why the past two months since my last post have flown by, I will refrain. I will instead say this...life has been busy and full, and because I've been focused on living each day fully and getting things done, I have taken time off from my blog. Have I over-booked, over-extended, over-committed? Absolutely. This is my nature though, and while I am fully capable of knowing when I need to say 'no', I still far too often find myself saying 'yes'. It's difficult for me not to offer my assistance and skills, especially when it's something I excel at! PTA Treasurer? Sure, bookkeeping and accounting are what I do, why not offer that help to my child's school? Preschool Cropping Coordinator? Sure, I'm a scrapbooker, I can coordinate helping parents put together keepsake scrapbooks for the preschoolers. Play piano for the Youth Choir at Mass? Sure, I've been doing that off and on since I was 10, I can handle playing once a month...at two Masses...in my hometown parish, even though I live half an hour away now. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The thing is, I enjoy being able to lend my knowledge and skills to others. Volunteering is quickly becoming a lost art, and there is a huge need for it in so many places...schools, churches, kids sports. I'm thankful that my husband is interested in sports and coaching, and I know that when that time comes (if you've seen my son throw a football or shoot a basketball, kick a soccer ball or hit the baseball, then you'll realize that it's inevitable that we will be partaking in kids sports!!), he will take on those volunteer roles and I will easily be able to say 'no' to that!! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Along with the balancing and juggling act that is my daily life, it has been a very full two months of summer ending, school starting, settling in to new routines. First Grade began without a hitch, although six weeks later we are dealing with some major struggles with our anxious, stubborn girl, so we're working through some things and advocating for her in the classroom. Preschool has been a great experience thus far, with the only rough "don't leave me here" morning being the one where I was dropping him off instead of daddy!! Little guy is very excited about a field trip to the Pumpkin Patch this week, which Dad will accompany him on. With the warm days winding down and the chill of Fall coming, Doug is starting to line up his indoor projects that will keep him busy for the next few months. A kitchen overhaul and a master bathroom shower replacement, on a tight budget, are on the agenda, so he has his work cut out for him!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We continue to be thankful for each day spent together as a family, grateful for the blessings of nearby family and friends, and hopeful that we'll get through our struggles with the grace of God. When the weeks go by without a post on my blog, it's not so much because time is flying by as it is because I am taking time off. Time off from technology, time off from dwelling on issues and drama, time off from being online. Time off from the cyber-world to spend in the real-world!</span></div>
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-54188139497412540972014-08-12T13:05:00.000-07:002014-08-12T13:05:04.080-07:00Depression. My Thoughts.<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is a word that has many stigmas attached to it; we fear talking openly about it; we wonder if it's real or a made up thing. Those living within its clutches fear acceptance if they share their struggles. Those who have never felt the darkness cannot understand it. It's one of those things in life that you simply cannot comprehend or understand unless you have it. It's hard for a happy-go-lucky person to wrap their heads around you feeling down and dark, even while you may be living a content and full life. How do you explain those feelings of emptiness and uneasiness that can grip your entire being, even while you are living a daily life of general content and happiness? Depression doesn't mean you're unhappy; depression means that even when you are happy, there is a cloud over it, a cover of darkness that you cannot fully brush away. Even when you are married to somebody you love and care about, even when you go to work at a job you enjoy, even when you have children who mean the world to you, even when you have family and friends who care about you and who you love and would never want to hurt; even when you have all these things going for you, and you have a solid relationship with the Lord, and you have faith and hope; even then...there is a cloud, there is darkness within you, there is a struggle to keep the smile on your face, a struggle to get up in the morning and face the day knowing that the cloud will be there, knowing that it will try to drag you deeper into its clutches, knowing that no matter how strong you try to be, you will not be strong enough to completely destroy the cloud. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This cloud is real. Depression is real. Depression is life-altering, and it can consume a person so wholly, so completely, that regardless of every good thing going on in their life, regardless of the love they have, regardless of friends reaching out to them or family trying to help them, they feel there is no way they will ever overcome the cloud; no way they will ever overcome the depths of despair they feel. So they end it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No more pain, no more darkness, no more cloud. Many consider this a selfish out; leaving behind family and friends to pick up the pieces of your life. We must be careful to judge so quickly, especially if you have never lived with that cloud of depression in your life, in your mind, in your body. It's very real, and it's very very difficult at times to see how you can continue day in and day out with that cloud affecting your every moment. I venture to say that many who end their life because of this feel they are actually doing the best thing for their family and friends; they likely consider it selfish to continue living with this despair that makes it so hard to get through the day. It can feel selfish to rely on those around you to deal with things while you lie in bed listless. It can feel selfish to watch your children playing, and begging for your attention, while you sit on the couch unable to get up and tend to them. It can feel selfish to sit at your desk while your co-workers bustle about getting work done while you sit staring at your computer screen unable to start on a project. It can feel selfish to be unable to overcome any of these things; to feel as though you cannot climb out of the darkness even though you want to. You want to smile, play, work, love, laugh...you don't want to feel the way you do. But you are powerless to stop it. Powerless to rid yourself of the cloud. Powerless to get past it, get over it, get above it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Medication to balance the chemicals in your brain and body can help; therapy and talking about the darkness and helplessness can help; support from loved ones can help. Often times the cloud will be lifted, perhaps briefly, perhaps for a long period of time. For many, medication helps lift the cloud enough that they can live life pretty fully. For some, however, the cloud never dissipates, regardless of medication, therapy, support. It hovers, dragging them down, and they seek peace. They seek relief. They seek release. Rather than judge them for this, let's work on educating others about this illness. Let's work together on supporting those we love and care about who live under the cloud of depression. Let's rid the stigma attached to the illness of depression, so they aren't afraid to talk about it, to seek help for it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You may never understand the illness of depression, and that's okay. In fact it's pretty great, because it likely means you don't suffer from this illness on any level. As one who does suffer, daily, from the clutches of depression, I urge you to not seek understanding then, but to seek acceptance. Acceptance that this illness IS an illness, acceptance that the cloud of depression likely affects many in your life, acceptance of the times that it means they can't interact fully with you, acceptance that depression is a condition that needs to be talked about and supported. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Praying that Robin Williams, the Newberg, Oregon mother who was found recently, the man I knew from high school who left his family recently, and all others who have felt that death was their only way out from the cloud of depression are all resting in peace, and that the loved ones they left behind are able to accept that they are now fully at peace, and that we can learn something from the losses and educate ourselves and others on this illness. </span></div>
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-31125472076002387642014-07-31T21:30:00.002-07:002014-08-01T11:16:46.246-07:00Fun in the Summer Sun<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Tomorrow we turn the calendar to the first day of August, and with that comes the downhill side of summer vacation. No complaints about that, all vacations must end at some point, and with 4 weeks of summer vacation left, we'll be sure to pack in plenty of fun times and happy family memories. The past 7 weeks of summer vacation have been full of wonderful time spent as a family, and with friends and extended family. Having a school-aged child brings a new element to summer vacation; those precious weeks between school years when the Oregon sunshine brings hot days and breezy nights, outdoor fun, weekend getaways, day trips, and time spent with friends and family. Staying up late, sleeping in, not sticking to a schedule. Well, for the kids anyway, working parents have to continue to get to the office and get work done, but the daylight lasts longer and the kids can stay up later, and we can enjoy some extra time with them. Alas, the unscheduled lazy days are quickly dwindling, and I've warned the kids (and husband!) that we will be starting up our school schedule again on August 11th, giving all of us plenty of time to get used to the earlier bedtime and alarm going off before school resumes in September. I'm getting lonely being the only one up early in the morning, and it's so hard to leave the house when everyone else is cozily sleeping so soundly!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here are some highlights of our many summer adventures so far. We are taking full advantage of Doug not working this summer! </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI4uGSPgT7vIHpeCFI7KfvG95XqPzT1VEVOmSQByPhSUhBHJohS6S5eXZK05ohtLkhe5mhrMjLHv6d4ubUtoWF-MCsPtRAf6Eq4LYiwuxglat7YnM9e-jKKr-S5Tf0sDfx3_Y_3YV7ruG-/s1600/Graciegrad1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI4uGSPgT7vIHpeCFI7KfvG95XqPzT1VEVOmSQByPhSUhBHJohS6S5eXZK05ohtLkhe5mhrMjLHv6d4ubUtoWF-MCsPtRAf6Eq4LYiwuxglat7YnM9e-jKKr-S5Tf0sDfx3_Y_3YV7ruG-/s1600/Graciegrad1.jpg" height="200" width="133" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN1dzb7ilw-PQ5f0inhTMfBXBd-1wfvpkBeGFt3F8_IDV8wzc_akyT15IaxfhVQym3Wy853uiSDpCiPbpV0VH1U3DVlUI_s297CJFGUlGMGYzxMkQP7DGB4RcKrtl9nEKQlj8ryFmKEEgD/s1600/DSCN1429.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN1dzb7ilw-PQ5f0inhTMfBXBd-1wfvpkBeGFt3F8_IDV8wzc_akyT15IaxfhVQym3Wy853uiSDpCiPbpV0VH1U3DVlUI_s297CJFGUlGMGYzxMkQP7DGB4RcKrtl9nEKQlj8ryFmKEEgD/s1600/DSCN1429.jpeg" height="200" width="132" /></a><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>We first celebrated 2 big graduations in the family...our own Gracie-girl graduated from Kindergarten on June 11th and on June 16th my baby sister Emily graduation from Portland State University with her Bachelor's Degree in Anthropology. I was honored to be one of her 6 guests at the grad ceremony held on Father's Day at the Moda Center in Portland. This momma is very proud of her baby girl for getting through her first year of school, and her baby sister for getting through her final year of college!</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Camping at Fort Stevens with the Breazile's in June...so much fun to camp with another family, we loved watching the kids play and being able to share our favorite Warrenton sights! Enjoyed a truly gorgeous sunset at the beach where the Peter Iredale Shipwreck is; it was captured on film by Jason and I received a framed picture of it for my birthday, so beautiful!</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>A nice birthday dinner at BJ's Restaurant with my dear parents and the Breazile family. Not to mention, a fabulous gift from my dad and husband of clearing the front yard, followed the next week by Doug putting down beautiful river rock, completing a project we sort of started (talking about anyway!) right before I had Joel (so 4 years ago!!)</i></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTEED6HqQrH5KvUlfyWHne0qSGKuHr9uVTRZfrlkNklxwsnb12VX_WOGh6u49UwYiUDAacxiWkntFERR6Elw00h8wTgFDJ7hqsMhSbc_2P4tM0N1c5kN1h_28oq8krAY76gjsC5sSx43y6/s1600/DSCF3143.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTEED6HqQrH5KvUlfyWHne0qSGKuHr9uVTRZfrlkNklxwsnb12VX_WOGh6u49UwYiUDAacxiWkntFERR6Elw00h8wTgFDJ7hqsMhSbc_2P4tM0N1c5kN1h_28oq8krAY76gjsC5sSx43y6/s1600/DSCF3143.JPG" height="150" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD7numkQ-ZJHW9P9KUknXnLB_j8LWC6kFQenw5VRLdbymQYH5YuCG6VZXuZ3swKIJ-QvUMaMB9e_gjU2jwDvyRH1HupHWI26Z7rSYqXd7oKklD8mprEJQ7DPct0nUUMLQY62LN7N7pxsKU/s1600/DSCF3123.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD7numkQ-ZJHW9P9KUknXnLB_j8LWC6kFQenw5VRLdbymQYH5YuCG6VZXuZ3swKIJ-QvUMaMB9e_gjU2jwDvyRH1HupHWI26Z7rSYqXd7oKklD8mprEJQ7DPct0nUUMLQY62LN7N7pxsKU/s1600/DSCF3123.JPG" height="200" width="150" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTRLSmoRz_mJm5oiBG7_7tGNEdWIEh4hrpzdbASkFAtaCeKxGWokcxYlI_a7R4m-WjBgBov3FVvFyyhaUdgivibeclDp32YvixcHN4A38NqifsDxY6MU7HQrMlXam3kjFf_1d6n2OXFStJ/s1600/DSCF3142.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTRLSmoRz_mJm5oiBG7_7tGNEdWIEh4hrpzdbASkFAtaCeKxGWokcxYlI_a7R4m-WjBgBov3FVvFyyhaUdgivibeclDp32YvixcHN4A38NqifsDxY6MU7HQrMlXam3kjFf_1d6n2OXFStJ/s1600/DSCF3142.JPG" height="150" width="200" /></a><span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Camping at Mt. Hood Village in Welches over the Fourth of July weekend with the Breazile's and their friends. More great time for the kids to play, setting off fireworks, a trip to Timberline to play in the snow while the sun beat down on us. Such a nice trip for Doug's first July 4th holiday to NOT be working!!</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #b45f06;">On Joel's 4th birthday we headed to my parents' house in Scappoose to enjoy their air conditioning and the company of my brother's kids, in town from Corvallis for the afternoon. We had my other brother and his family over for a spaghetti dinner, gift opening and birthday cake. Earlier in the day Joel was given his 'big' gift from us...a new Hot Wheels bike with revving action, in his favorite color of orange! </span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><i>A little break in the summer heat brought us some much needed rain, but with the temps staying warm and muggy, it was perfect weather for the kids to play outside, jumping in muddy puddles & singing in the rain! That day also found Doug putting together Joel's Jeep Mega Blocks set that was a birthday gift from his Great-Papa Ed...the set came with 770 pieces and it took Doug 6+ hours to put it all together!!</i></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnrP1PKFe6Hj2582sThcNkx7GJkJAzD8sLAWY1rJC_TG-KFy_eE1MlwIy_gaLKF0P6wjw5KVSsAqsBUqnb3nADp2EHrPnKKMClzb4V7wDk3ks8FsK09NQ42YSNmfVdvJolU_SckxKAbOt7/s1600/fair13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnrP1PKFe6Hj2582sThcNkx7GJkJAzD8sLAWY1rJC_TG-KFy_eE1MlwIy_gaLKF0P6wjw5KVSsAqsBUqnb3nADp2EHrPnKKMClzb4V7wDk3ks8FsK09NQ42YSNmfVdvJolU_SckxKAbOt7/s1600/fair13.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUKPoKivYSzy81voKYlq097FhXJcG4P0BHAY8ueYe5TLUHAFC5GHyLAzmcBNY2-0yxY1Eq9vqcQaOOPYhRX7WPsR99m2bXvupdWuekOuOIVXdLYcSXdftRQoPsxv7UPYEy6QRMbaJ4vxnj/s1600/fair5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUKPoKivYSzy81voKYlq097FhXJcG4P0BHAY8ueYe5TLUHAFC5GHyLAzmcBNY2-0yxY1Eq9vqcQaOOPYhRX7WPsR99m2bXvupdWuekOuOIVXdLYcSXdftRQoPsxv7UPYEy6QRMbaJ4vxnj/s1600/fair5.jpg" height="200" width="112" /></a><i><span style="color: #134f5c;">Our county fair came to town last weekend, and we enjoyed two fun-filled evenings there. The fair itself is free admission, which is so nice! We aren't fans of rides, so with just having to pay $5 for parking, this makes an affordable evening of family fun. (Of course, there is kettle corn and cotton candy to buy!) Thursday we took in the booths, had some hot dogs, and spent a couple hours watching the Breazile's teen daughter show her sheep in the FFA ring. Friday evening, Doug and Joel watched a Motor Mania show in the arena, which had monster trucks, motorcycles, demolition derby and more. Gracie and I wandered the fairgrounds during that time, she got her face painted as a panda bear, we enjoyed some hawaiian shave ice, and got our exercise in walking the grounds several times!</span></i></span><br />
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<i style="color: #cc0000; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>After graduating college, Emily started a part-time summer job as a Ranger at Fort Vancouver Park in Vancouver, Washington. On Saturday we took a day trip to check out the Fort, a place neither Doug nor I have been to since we were kids. We started at the Pearson Air Museum, then headed down the road to Fort Vancouver. Emily gave us some great background info and tours of a couple buildings, we checked out the rest on our own, then she swore the kids in as Junior Rangers. We had a nice picnic dinner at the park right across the street when she got off work, then we watched the beginning of a vintage baseball game the Fort put on. The sun was hot and the kids got bored quickly, so we moved down the park to a very fun playground that was in the shade and Doug and I got caught up on Emily's summer and her hopes for what she'll do after summer. She's really enjoying the job and is hoping to get a full-time position with the Fort, as they do have year-round employment opportunities. Oh and...her boyfriend of 2 years proposed to her at their county fair on July 16th, at the top of the ferris wheel and with our mom's engagement ring! Very "them"!! So happy for her, and Nick!</i></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We are looking forward to the annual church camp-out in Vernonia next weekend, which we have missed the last couple of years. Following that, we will begin settling in to our school-year routines to get the kids ready so the waking up early isn't too much of a shock after Labor Day!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's been a truly enjoyable summer, and we feel so blessed to have the time to spend with our kids, our friends, and our family. In the year since Doug left his job, he has been able to make up for so much lost time with the kids, and we truly love just being together as a family unit in the evenings when I get home from work. Playing outside, having home-cooked dinners at the table, watching movies, playing games and WII, trips to the library and reading together, camping out in the living room where the A/C unit is on nights that don't cool down in the bedrooms. Just enjoying each day to its fullest, no regrets, loving and laughing. We are blessed. God is good!</span>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One year ago, I was turning 35, Doug was facing his last day at his job of 16 years, Joel was about to be 3, Gracie was going to be starting Kindergarten. We were excited for where the next year would take our family, with my going to work full-time and Doug being a stay-at-home dad; with Gracie starting the school adventure and meeting new friends; with Joel outgrowing the Terrible Twos and entering the slightly more mature Terrible Threes. We were newly involved in a company called AdvoCare that was helping us be healthier and more social. We were looking forward to true weekends, more family time, a regular sleep schedule for Doug. I was anxiously anticipating what the Lord had in store for the Goodrich 4 in my 36th year of life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>You can read my birthday post from last year here... <a href="http://www.sufficientgrace7.blogspot.com/2013_07_01_archive.html" target="_blank">http://www.sufficientgrace7.blogspot.com/2013_07_01_archive.html</a></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, here we are, here I am, a year later, now age 36, and all those things we were looking forward to are now past experiences, rather than future anticipations. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I wouldn't change one single thing about the past year.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was not without its trials, it was not perfect. It didn't all go according to plan (well, not according to MY plan anyway!). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kindergarten was a huge transition for Gracie, she struggled, I struggled. We had to learn about her anxiety and how it takes hold of her and freezes her, how it was more than her just being shy, or timid, or stubborn. But she overcame so much, she faced her fears head-on every day and she worked through the anxiety, and she had a fantastic year of growth. She made new friends, I made new friends. She bonded well with her teacher, who was so patient and understanding with Gracie, yet firm at the same time, and who rejoiced in every victory along with us! She learned to "do courage" and to be brave.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not working was a huge transition for Doug, he struggled, I struggled. It sounds so ideal, like a vacation with no end. But after having a schedule and a place to go for 16 years, after working hard and providing financially, it's not quite so easy to dive into being at home raising young kids and keeping up the house. Kids are work! Probably harder work than any job any of us go to! It's definitely not a vacation, but Doug has settled into it, has had some amazing time with his kids, has gotten many long-overdue projects checked off his to-do list, and has not missed the retail life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Turning 3 was not a magical turning point for Joel, as all parents of young children know, 3 can be more difficult than 2! Yes, now there is understanding about a lot more, but there is a will as well. A strong one in Joel's case, as should be expected with two strong-willed parents. This is one tough little boy! He loves sports, cars and trucks, playing outside, watching cartoons. He loves antagonizing his big sister (who usually starts it...) and getting his way. He does not love being told no. He does not love sleeping in his own bed. He does not love having to wait. But he has done so much growing this past year, and is such a little boy now! More boy than toddler, and we look forward to his turning 4 this weekend, and starting Preschool in the fall.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Working full-time was fortunately an easy transition for me, as I am so blessed to have an employer who understands the concept of "family first", and allows me to continue to have some flexibility in my schedule. I'm also blessed with amazing Admin teams at both offices, who keep things going day-to-day even when I'm not there. We've adjusted to making less income, and anticipate being able to keep Doug home for at least another year, as we get through Preschool for Joel and First Grade for Gracie (all day school! eating lunch in the cafeteria! all her friends have moved away! new teacher! It will be another huge transition for our courageous girl!). We continue to use AdvoCare's first-class products to keep us healthy, and we enjoy the opportunity to share them with others who are looking for better health and wellness. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I love the opportunity a birthday provides me...a chance to look back over the past year and reflect on the blessings and moments of joy and love. It also provides the opportunity to look forward to the next year, and anticipate the milestones that the year will hold. I am ready for my 37th year of life, and thankful for all that my past, present, and future holds!</span></div>
angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-52836961024247033582014-06-02T13:53:00.001-07:002014-06-02T13:53:48.141-07:00We Are Not Equal<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is so easy to judge others. To think that we know what's best for them, or how they should live, or the choices they should make. I would say that one of my biggest flaws is my judgement of others. It's well-meaning, but it's fruitless. Here's the thing...I can't live anyone's life for them. I can't tell them what to do, how to be, what choice to make. Well, I can tell them, but I sure can't make them listen! I don't know where they've been, what they've done, how they feel. Even if I think I do, I really don't. I'm not in their head, in their heart, feeling their emotions. And often times, the judgement put forth by one to another can cause more damage than the intended good. I might think I know what's best, or what's right, or what should be done, but truly...I am not all-knowing, I don't have all the answers. And even when I think I do, I'm often wrong.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God has not called upon us to lay judgement on others. He has called upon us to simply love others. To be caring and kind to each other. To allow those around us to make their own choices, often times to fail, and not to pick them apart for that but to be there offering them a hand to help them up. We can offer advice, opinions, the choice we might make. But we cannot, or should not, turn away when they choose a different path, or ignore the advice, or have a differing opinion. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's a simple concept, to just love. To just accept. To just let each person be their unique self. It's not always so simple to employ the concept, unfortunately, because we so easily get caught up in our own self, our own thoughts and feelings, our own judgement of what is right or wrong. We get caught up in being socially acceptable, or politically correct, of not wanting to offend anybody, of needing to be sure everybody is being treated equally.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here's the thing...we aren't all equal. God didn't create us to be "equal". He created us to be "individual". No two alike. Unique. His intention was that we would work together with our unique talents to create the whole; not that we would all be equal in our talents, traits, and strengths, and not that we would act alone in our work, our play, our life. We were meant to love each other, to help each other, to encourage each other, to support each other. We were meant to listen to each other and offer advice and wisdom...without judgement. We were meant to help each other find and fulfill their potential, to lend a hand when our talent can help someone else reach their purpose. To do all these things with love, expecting nothing in return.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The only "equal right" that we need to be discussing these days is the right to love and be loved. By all. Without judgement. We don't have to like each other, we don't have to agree with each other's choices on how they live their life, we don't even have to interact with those that are toxic to us, but we need to show everyone love and respect. Treat everyone kindly. We need to stop trying to be equal to everyone, and embrace who we uniquely are. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The next time you find yourself judging another, stop for a moment, dismiss the judgmental thoughts, and choose instead to accept and love that person. After all, you wouldn't want them judging you, would you?</span></div>
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angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-432966332629773032014-05-14T16:11:00.001-07:002014-05-14T16:11:20.696-07:00God's Grace<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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When I started writing my blog a year ago, I titled it 'Sufficient Grace' because I firmly believe in the importance of God's grace. I also believe that His grace IS sufficient, if we allow it to be. I also believe that we are called to grant grace to others, on a regular basis, and without judgement. I won't lie and say that I do this regularly myself, for I know one of my weaknesses is to be judgmental towards others. </div>
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What, then, is grace? And what does it even mean to "grant grace" to another? As I looked for a true definition online, I stumbled upon this:</div>
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What is the Biblical Meaning of Grace?</h1>
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The meaning of grace can be found in an acronym of the word: 'God's Riches At Christ's Expense'. This means we, though sinful, can partake in God's kingdom because of Christ's sacrifice on the cross. Grace is essentially getting what we do not deserve -- Heaven</div>
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There you have it, the basic meaning of God's Grace is being given another opportunity, or being forgiven for a mistake, even when we don't truly deserve it. Even when we knowingly sinned, or didn't listen to God and chose our own way, He will grant us grace and forgiveness. He will allow us to try again, and He will continue to grant us grace if we continue to do wrong. Wow! Not only that, but His grace is sufficient to allow us to be forgiven and to move on.</div>
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We all need grace, regularly, and we all need to give grace to others, regularly. You cannot know what silent struggles, inner pains, or personal anguishes another is going through. Try hard to not judge, but instead to grant grace for their actions. Whether it's the unhelpful customer service rep on the phone, or the unfriendly waiter at the restaurant, or the unbending cashier who is standing firm on "store policy", or the unyielding child throwing a tantrum in the store while mom ignores or gives in to their demands - choose grace, smile, be positive and polite, and remember that you simply do not know what the day is like in their shoes, nor do you know if you giving them that bit of grace may be all they need to turn their attitude around.</div>
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God's grace is sufficient, and is never-ending. I am working hard to stop judging, and simply pass that courteous gesture of grace along. I hope others will see fit to give me grace as well. I feel like I need it often! </div>
</span>angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-20584866912913124012014-04-08T17:21:00.001-07:002014-04-08T17:33:39.494-07:00Lessons Learned From Disney<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So there's this little Disney movie you may have heard about recently...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This movie is a big hit with our kids. First, it was released to movie theaters on Gracie's birthday last fall. Gracie had never been to see a movie in the theater, but she really really wanted to see Frozen. She worried it would be too loud; she worried there would be too many people; she worried she wouldn't like the experience, and she worried because she didn't know what to expect. But oh how she wanted to fight that worry and see Frozen, in the theater, on her birthday, with her best friend from school! So we made plans, but we kept it casual. She knew that she could change her mind right up until we bought tickets. We had a nice lunch at her favorite restaurant, we went bowling (also something she had never done before) and had a great time with that, and her friend gave her a movie ticket, told her how much fun he had going to the theater, and helped her get excited about seeing the movie. So we went! And she was nervous, she took earmuffs in case it was too loud and she did use them a few times. She sat pretty frozen in her seat the whole time, very cautious because the theater seats didn't feel secure and steady to her, but she smiled and she laughed, and when the movie was done, she could not stop talking about it!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I feel I must mention here that, if you haven't read my previous blog posting about Gracie's anxiety, you should. That post explains how she gets literally frozen with her anxiety, and at times cannot move or speak. I think there is most definitely a special connection that she feels with this movie called Frozen, because she can relate to the fear and anxiety that Elsa deals with that causes her to react by freezing the air around her. Elsa cannot control this fear at times, so she shuts herself down and shuts herself away to protect those she loves. I think it must be like that for Gracie sometimes, in her mind, and she freezes in order to control her anxiety. After seeing Frozen just once, she was able to verbalize her understanding of Elsa's fear, and of course to ponder that she wishes <i>she</i> could be an ice queen and freeze everything around her! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fast forward to March and Spring Break and the big Blu-Ray/DVD release of Frozen. Gracie saved her money and Daddy took her to Target the day it came out, and we have watched it no less than 35 times since then! The best part is, Joel loves it too! And even Dad and I can handle watching it over and over. Well, maybe me more so than Dad! Joel bought Gracie the CD soundtrack a couple weeks ago when he got a special "no-Gracie" trip to Target with mommy, and they listen to that when they aren't watching the movie. Gracie loves every song, knows every line of the movie at this point, and honestly, has learned some great lessons from this Disney gem.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My favorite of the lessons we've taken from Frozen is: Let It Go!! Not only is the song fantastic, but the words are very fitting for our Gracie-girl. Basically, Elsa is singing about not letting her fears hold her back any longer, about just being happy and comfortable being who she is, and about letting go of the past and not dwelling on it. There really is something for everyone to learn in these statements! I absolutely love listening to Gracie sing the song, even more so because I know that she looks to Elsa as a role model now; Elsa learned how to let go and not be afraid, and that encourages Gracie to work on doing that too. </span><br />
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<br />If you haven't seen Frozen yet, my kids and I highly recommend it! You may not be all that excited about "another Disney princess movie", but this one really seemed different to me. The story-line wasn't based around a princess finding her true-love-prince and slaying the villain and living happily-ever-after in the castle. Rather, this movie is about the bond between sisters that cannot be shattered; about discovering your true self and allowing yourself to be comfortable and confident with you; about living in the moment. Besides which, you will not find a cuter character than the lovable snowman Olaf, and if you like nothing else about this movie, you will surely enjoy him!<br />
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And with that, I must end this now, because after all "the sky's awake, so I'm awake, so I hafta play!"...time for this momma to go enjoy her kiddos! </span></div>
angeln_7http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771277422320767105noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2919532178748347086.post-87306660268534247832014-03-24T16:54:00.003-07:002014-03-24T16:54:31.968-07:00Parenting the Anxious Child<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Parenting
is hard. It is work. It is hard work. It is relentless, never-ending, hard
work.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh
but the joy you receive as the tradeoff cannot be described adequately!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You won’t think of the joy when you’re in the
midst of a full-on tantrum of epic proportions. You won’t think of the joy when
you’re covered in your child’s vomit, or poop, or pee. You won’t think of the
joy when you are unable to go to the bathroom by yourself, let alone have ten
minutes uninterrupted to take a shower. And these things will all happen,
multiple times.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But when your child settles in next to you on
the couch, fresh from an evening bath, in cozy pajamas, and snuggles up to you,
you will be overwhelmed with joy. You will be in awe at this person that you
created, and are nurturing and raising to be their own person. The joy will
come as each new day unfolds and you watch your child learn about their world,
discover who they are, try new things, develop an independent personality. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What happens though, when the joy is clouded
by doubt, when you aren’t sure that your child is “normal”, when you sense
there is something just a bit off with them? We hear so much about the difficulties
of parenting, the work. We hear so much about the joy of parenting, the awe of
watching that little life develop. We do hear about some of the bigger
challenges some children and parents are faced with, birth defects, autism, asthma,
vision issues; things that are readily diagnosable and often times noticeable
from a young age. What about the things that are not easily diagnosed, are not
easily recognized as abnormal, are not talked about because parents think they’re
the only ones dealing with it? What of the child with extreme anxiety, who does
not and simply cannot interact “normally” with others? This child will be
labeled as “shy”, “quiet”, her parents will be looked upon as coddling her,
holding her back because they won’t force her to be more sociable, to leave her
comfort zone. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This child is my child. And this parent was
in denial for five years that there was anything more than a shy, timid,
stubborn personality going on. This parent did try to force her child to be
more sociable; she tried to force her to talk to people, to attend social
functions and not cling to me the entire time; to be “normal”. I tried, I
pushed, I pleaded, I made deals, offered bribes, anything that came to mind in
the moment when we were dealing with a situation where she was frozen, unable
to speak or move, unable to interact with her relatives, her doctor, her peers
in Sunday School. Nothing worked; she would continue to be a statue, looking at
the floor, not speaking. Often times crying, sometimes clinging to me as though
her life depended on me. Which, truthfully, in her state of mind, it did. It
does. She needs to be able to depend on me, because she is unable to allow
herself to depend on someone or something she does not know.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My child has extreme anxiety; she is not able
to express this or tell us that she feels anxious, but her behavior and her
inability to control the freezing has taught us that this is what she’s dealing
with. It comes across to others as shyness, as stubbornness, as if she is
playing a game and choosing not to speak to them. At times, she is doing
exactly that, but more often than not, she is literally frozen in her mind and
is not able to speak or move, to force herself to cooperate. Anxiety has taken
over, and until she is either removed from the situation or wrapped in the
comforting arms of dad or mom, she cannot relax, she cannot function. </span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I spent five years not recognizing the extremity
of her condition; just being frustrated that she wasn’t cooperative, that she
wasn’t doing what I wanted, that she wasn’t acting like the kid I wanted her to
be (carefree, relaxed, friendly). How I wish that I had realized sooner that
there was more going on than just a timid nature compounded by extreme
stubbornness. It’s moot at this point, for the only way to live life is in the
present and moving forward, so it is in the moving forward that I am taking
steps to learn about how she copes, how her mind works, how anxiety gets the
best of her and causes her to freeze up. I know she wants to be carefree, to be
able to talk and play with her classmates, to cooperate with the dentist, to
let go and have fun at a social event. She wants to not worry, to not be
scared, to not feel panic at the thought of new things. Her reality, however,
is that there is a psychological challenge she is unable to overcome simply
because she “wants to”. Anxiety, for her, is a block to being and feeling “normal”.
She’s intelligent, bright, charismatic, funny, talented, imaginative; she is a
healthy and happy kid. But she is hindered by this fear she can’t really
explain, frozen by anxieties she can’t put into words, held back at times by
her body’s inability to cooperate with her mind’s desire. </span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I realize now how scary that must be for a
child; how frustrating and sad, to want to do or say something but for your
body to not cooperate. And then for those around you, not to mention your own
mother, to try and push you, to force you to cooperate, when as much as you
want to, you simply cannot. Wow. </span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hope someday, several years from now, when
we’ve been able to help her overcome the crushing anxiety, that my daughter
will read this post I’ve written, and know that from the bottom of my heart, I’m
sorry that I didn’t realize earlier in her life that she was frozen with fear,
and that I’m sorry that we didn’t start working on helping her be brave sooner.
For she is just that – brave. So brave! She doesn’t even know how big her brave
can be, once we break down the fears and anxieties that have paralyzed her. We’re
learning tools and techniques to help her overcome the anxiety, we’re coaching
her properly now when issues arise rather than just trying to force her to do
what we want. She’s grown so much since starting Kindergarten, she has been so
brave and conquered one obstacle after another. Granted, her obstacles are
often put in place by her anxiety, so what is a huge progress for her may seem
like an everyday nothing to most. This can be difficult to accept as a parent,
when you of course want your child to be “normal”. </span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes, parenting is hard work. Yes, parenting
brings about joyful rewards. Yes, every parent wants their child to be “normal”.
But truly, what is “normal”? Just be yourself! Embrace your uniqueness! I’ve
always believed in this, have never been one to conform to societal norms, but
my daughter has taught me in the past six months the incredible importance of
allowing a child to just be who they are naturally, to not place labels on
them. My daughter has taught me, and is learning, how to be brave in the face
of adversity, and how to be your own biggest advocate. </span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Parenting is hard. Parenting a child with anxiety
is extra hard. Learning to be patient and understanding is triple hard. But it’s
all worth it for the joy that comes along with the difficulties. </span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And if you interact with my dear Gracie-girl,
and she won’t talk to you or look at you; if she seems frozen and unable to
play with your child or participate in your activity, you will hopefully now
have a bit of understanding as to why. It’s not you, she experiences anxiety
with family, friends, and strangers alike. It’s not the situation, she
experiences anxiety in new places and familiar places alike. It’s nothing she
is doing intentionally to hurt your feelings, or to anger her mother (!!!), or
to let anybody down. She is just frozen with anxiety, her body is refusing to
cooperate with her mind, and she is doing what she can to overcome it. You may
see her flick the “worry bully” off her shoulder, stomp on him and say “leave
me alone”. You may see her count to 10 and take deep breaths, as she relaxes
herself. You may see her cower back, but then all of a sudden take a bold step
forward and say “thank you”. I hope you will be encouraging when you witness
any of these behaviors, as they are all signs that she is working hard to be
brave. I hope you will recognize that it’s not easy for her, it’s not natural,
she is struggling, but she is determined. I hope you will get the chance to see
how big her brave is, and to appreciate the difference in her and the growth
she makes.</span></span></span></div>
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