As can be evidenced by the fact that I'm typing this at 2:40am, I had 'one of those days'. A day where emotions run the gamut from thankful to overwhelmed, from trusting to disbelief. A day where there was much to do at work, keeping me both happy with being productive and overwhelmed by all that I wished to get done. A day where the path we are on with AdvoCare was front and center as Facebook exploded with posts about the upcoming 'AdvoNation' Labor Day weekend. A day where I often found myself feeling both blessed and discouraged at the same time. A day where we found out some difficult news about a good friend that made me stop thinking of everything else going on and that has had me in a contemplative and reflective mood that will not turn off.
What do you do with the news that your husband's best friend since childhood, the best man in our wedding, a loving and devoted husband and father of two daughters, a son, a brother, a son-in-law, is not going to be able to win the biggest fight of his life; is not going to be able to beat the cancer that ravages his body; is not going to be there to grow old and gray with his wife, to walk his daughters down the aisle. While we've know for several months that the fight was going to be a difficult one, there continued to be hope that treatments would work, would free his body of the cancer. It appears now that this is not to be the case, and that dreaded diagnosis of "months left" that all cancer patients fear became his reality today.
And so I go to the only place I know to go, turn to the only One I know who can bring understanding, and I pray. I pray for him, that he may find peace knowing he'll be free from suffering, knowing he'll be joining his brother-in-law in heaven to watch over their families, knowing he has a strong wife and strong daughters who will carry out his legacy. A legacy of giving of himself, of his time, of his talents. This is a man who can always be counted on to lend a helping hand, but who now needs hands of prayer laying over him. I pray for his wife and daughters, that they will turn to God in this time of despair and frustration and allow Him to grant them comfort and peace. I pray for his parents, as parents should never have to bury a child. I pray for my husband, as he grapples with emotions he doesn't want to face, that he will stay strong and be there every step of the way from now until his best friend's now is no longer.
There is such a sense of unfairness when you watch somebody battle for their life against a disease they simply cannot conquer. Cancer is ugly, it is strong and completely undiscerning in who it attacks, caring not who it infests. It can be fought, and it can be beat, but it also can take away life. We don't ever want to think that it can happen to us, or to those we care about, but the truth is...it can happen to me, to you, to those we love, regardless of age, regardless of health, regardless really of anything. Scary. Unfair.
Difficult to understand, especially in its unfairness, but I do understand one important thing that will not and cannot be swayed by this enemy called cancer, and that is faith. Faith that our time walking on earth was meant to be short-term, faith that God has a home and eternal life for us in Heaven, faith that while we cannot understand why some go to that place of rest sooner than others, it is His plan for each of us to be there with Him, in peace and love. So we must continue to live each day to the fullest, to accomplish what is needed while also taking some time to do what is enjoyed. To find that all-important balance that is so often skewed by the hectic schedules we keep, the finances that always seem too short, the time that goes by too quickly, the things we focus our attention on that don't deserve it.
It is difficult to defeat all those negative pulls going on; the hectic schedules, short finances, flying time; these have all become so normal that we don't even realize they are taking us down. We are so busy trying to catch up, there's nothing left to help us get ahead. We are living so much in the moment, yet forgetting to embrace the moment. We're just trying to get by; to get through the day and maybe the next one will be better. But it's not, it's the same. And so it goes, until and unless we make a conscious decision to stop, to breathe, to slow down, to be truly thankful for the day and to live it with positivity. We think "well, I'll do better tomorrow, I'll get that done tomorrow, I'll make that happen tomorrow". Tomorrow isn't guaranteed, only right now is, so make it better today, get it done today, make it happen now.
I wish I could say that I live by those words and that advice, but if that were the case, then I most certainly would not have had 'one of those days' and I would not be awake at 3:45am typing this blog post, which is as much for myself and to keep me accountable to the way I want to be living my life as it is to share my thoughts with you.
Dear Father in Heaven, I lift up Doug's best friend and his family to you as they process this most recent diagnosis. I pray for all those dealing with cancer and terminal illness, that they may have the bravery and strength needed to fight . I pray for those who have won the fight, for those who will learn today that they have a fight to face. I pray as well for the many doctors, scientists, and researchers that continue to wage war against these illnesses as they seek answers and remedies. Lord, you didn't promise us that life would be without suffering, but you did promise us you would not leave our side, would not forsake us. I believe that you are embracing everyone who is suffering, and it is my heart's prayer that anyone who is seeking answers in the unfairness may find peace in knowing you are with them, that the one set of footprints in the sand of their suffering is because you are carrying them. I pray most strongly for the many non-believers, for those who have given up hope, for those who refuse to accept the peace you offer. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen.
Embrace the moments today, hug the people you love, let the people you appreciate know it, be positive, shine your light, and trust that He is walking beside you today.