Seeking Peace at 3am

As can be evidenced by the fact that I'm typing this at 2:40am, I had 'one of those days'. A day where emotions run the gamut from thankful to overwhelmed, from trusting to disbelief. A day where there was much to do at work, keeping me both happy with being productive and overwhelmed by all that I wished to get done. A day where the path we are on with AdvoCare was front and center as Facebook exploded with posts about the upcoming 'AdvoNation' Labor Day weekend. A day where I often found myself feeling both blessed and discouraged at the same time. A day where we found out some difficult news about a good friend that made me stop thinking of everything else going on and that has had me in a contemplative and reflective mood that will not turn off.

 

What do you do with the news that your husband's best friend since childhood, the best man in our wedding, a loving and devoted husband and father of two daughters, a son, a brother, a son-in-law, is not going to be able to win the biggest fight of his life; is not going to be able to beat the cancer that ravages his body; is not going to be there to grow old and gray with his wife, to walk his daughters down the aisle. While we've know for several months that the fight was going to be a difficult one, there continued to be hope that treatments would work, would free his body of the cancer. It appears now that this is not to be the case, and that dreaded diagnosis of "months left" that all cancer patients fear became his reality today.

 

And so I go to the only place I know to go, turn to the only One I know who can bring understanding, and I pray. I pray for him, that he may find peace knowing he'll be free from suffering, knowing he'll be joining his brother-in-law in heaven to watch over their families, knowing he has a strong wife and strong daughters who will carry out his legacy. A legacy of giving of himself, of his time, of his talents. This is a man who can always be counted on to lend a helping hand, but who now needs hands of prayer laying over him.  I pray for his wife and daughters, that they will turn to God in this time of despair and frustration and allow Him to grant them comfort and peace.  I pray for his parents, as parents should never have to bury a child.  I pray for my husband, as he grapples with emotions he doesn't want to face, that he will stay strong and be there every step of the way from now until his best friend's now is no longer.

 

There is such a sense of unfairness when you watch somebody battle for their life against a disease they simply cannot conquer.  Cancer is ugly, it is strong and completely undiscerning in who it attacks, caring not who it infests.  It can be fought, and it can be beat, but it also can take away life. We don't ever want to think that it can happen to us, or to those we care about, but the truth is...it can happen to me, to you, to those we love, regardless of age, regardless of health, regardless really of anything. Scary.  Unfair.

 

Difficult to understand, especially in its unfairness, but I do understand one important thing that will not and cannot be swayed by this enemy called cancer, and that is faith.  Faith that our time walking on earth was meant to be short-term, faith that God has a home and eternal life for us in Heaven, faith that while we cannot understand why some go to that place of rest sooner than others, it is His plan for each of us to be there with Him, in peace and love. So we must continue to live each day to the fullest, to accomplish what is needed while also taking some time to do what is enjoyed. To find that all-important balance that is so often skewed by the hectic schedules we keep, the finances that always seem too short, the time that goes by too quickly, the things we focus our attention on that don't deserve it.

 

It is difficult to defeat all those negative pulls going on; the hectic schedules, short finances, flying time; these have all become so normal that we don't even realize they are taking us down.  We are so busy trying to catch up, there's nothing left to help us get ahead.  We are living so much in the moment, yet forgetting to embrace the moment.  We're just trying to get by; to get through the day and maybe the next one will be better. But it's not, it's the same. And so it goes, until and unless we make a conscious decision to stop, to breathe, to slow down, to be truly thankful for the day and to live it with positivity. We think "well, I'll do better tomorrow, I'll get that done tomorrow, I'll make that happen tomorrow". Tomorrow isn't guaranteed, only right now is, so make it better today, get it done today, make it happen now.

 

I wish I could say that I live by those words and that advice, but if that were the case, then I most certainly would not have had 'one of those days' and I would not be awake at 3:45am typing this blog post, which is as much for myself and to keep me accountable to the way I want to be living my life as it is to share my thoughts with you.

 

Dear Father in Heaven, I lift up Doug's best friend and his family to you as they process this most recent diagnosis. I pray for all those dealing with cancer and terminal illness, that they may have the bravery and strength needed to fight .  I pray for those who have won the fight, for those who will learn today that they have a fight to face. I pray as well for the many doctors, scientists, and researchers that continue to wage war against these illnesses as they seek answers and remedies. Lord, you didn't promise us that life would be without suffering, but you did promise us you would not leave our side, would not forsake us. I believe that you are embracing everyone who is suffering, and it is my heart's prayer that anyone who is seeking answers in the unfairness may find peace in knowing you are with them, that the one set of footprints in the sand of their suffering is because you are carrying them. I pray most strongly for the many non-believers, for those who have given up hope, for those who refuse to accept the peace you offer. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

 

Embrace the moments today, hug the people you love, let the people you appreciate know it, be positive, shine your light, and trust that He is walking beside you today.



Ahh, Sweet Weekends

I feel I must start this post by giving a huge thank you shout-out to anybody that works in retail, thus working weekends. Thank you. Your job is difficult and under-appreciated by the general population. Doug did this work for 16 years, and so it was simply a way of life for us these past 11 years of marriage and 5 1/2 years of raising children; weekends did not mean to us what they mean to most, we missed out on a lot of events and gatherings as a family, we had to constantly explain why he couldn't just take time off, we weren't able to attend church together, the list goes on and on. Weekends, that timeframe of Friday evening thru Sunday evening, was to us the same as a Monday thru Wednesday; a work schedule dictated what we could or could not participate in together. I often was at weekend events alone, or in more recent years alone with my children.

 

But no more...we now know the simple bliss of the weekend, and it is sweet!! Lazy mornings, time spent together reading, watching a movie, doing projects outside. Saturday Market, the boys getting to go to truck-pulls and car shows, attending church as a family, making and eating meals together, the list goes on and on with the simple things we have enjoyed over the past few weekends that we've had as a "normal" family! It is amazing how sweet the things that most take for granted can be when you haven't experienced them regularly in the past. I love the freedom that I feel thinking of our kids being able to be in sports because dad isn't working weekends, of our family being able to say "yes" to more events, of Doug not having to miss out on so many family parties, dinners, gatherings, and of Sunday evening being one of preparing for the upcoming work/school week together, rather than dad being out of it because he was at work early and needs to go to bed early to get up early again Monday morning.

 

Retail work is important; in fact it is vital in our society, but I would venture to say that a majority of those who have never worked in it do not have the understanding of the impact that the hours have on those who are working it. In order for you to get your groceries on the weekend, to eat a meal out, to put fuel in your vehicle, to buy clothes, on and on the list goes...in order for that to be possible, people must be working at those stores, those restaurants, those gas stations. And in order for those people to be working, they are giving up something that you are taking for granted...weekends. Time. Time spent with their family over the weekend.

 

As you go about your last-minute grocery shopping on Sunday night, as you stop to feed your family after a day spent together having fun, as you fill up your car with gas to get you to work this week...take a moment to say thank you to the person checking out your groceries, to the waiter serving your food, to the attendant filling your car with gas...take a moment to realize and acknowledge the time they are not able to spend with their family because they are working to provide for that family. Are they always kind and courteous to you? Nope. Do they always deserve your gratitude or tip, your smile or appreciation? Yep. Put yourself in their place for a moment...what would YOU be giving up if you had to work that job to support yourself or your family? Retail work is not as easy as we assume it to be; the work itself may not be difficult, but the things they are giving up, the sacrifices of time they are making, are a tough trade-off.

 

Thank you, to the clerk who rang up our groceries at Trader Joes this afternoon, where we stopped after being able to attend Mass. Together. As a family. Thank you, to all the other retail workers that were not able to be with their family today because they were instead working...for you.

 

Thank you to my husband, who sacrificed 16 years of weekends to provide service to his customers, and to provide financial support to our family. It was not always easy to accept the things we could not do together because of your job, but it was worth it to get us to the place we are today. It makes it that much sweeter to watch you and our children finally get your opportunity to go "backyard camping" tonight. May the stars shine over you, and the outdoor critters stay away from you! We don't have the greatest history with critters in this household...

 

Living With Purpose

A big part of the journey Doug and I have been on these past several months revolves around bettering the legacy we are creating for our children; living our life to the fullest; dreaming big and doing our part to turn the dreams into realities. This all comes down to one main thing: living life with purpose. Finding our purpose, stretching ourselves to doing and being more than average, learning to not be okay with just getting through each day, but wanting to make an impact on each day.  For the 5 1/2 years that we've been raising children, we have settled into some bad habits, and we realized we were teaching those to our children. These bad habits primarily revolved around being content with where we were at, when that place was far from where we really could have been. We had settled into the place of "good enough is just good enough", but in our hearts we were really feeling that "this is NOT good enough, we were created for more, we have more to offer, we need to be doing more". That's not to say that we were unhappy, far from that we found ourselves to be very happy, we had great times as a family, Doug worked very hard to provide financially for us, but there was discontent beneath the happiness, strain to the family times because we wanted more of that time, and Doug was plain burned out. We knew there was more for our family, we knew we had to make changes somehow before Gracie started school, we knew Doug needed a break from the retail world, we knew we needed to establish better routines and schedules for our kids, but we didn't know how we could realistically achieve any of this.

 

I have always lifted up my burdens to the Lord, and trusted in Him to guide me. That's not easy for me, as I have a strong need to be in control of myself, but my entire adult life I have understood that the Lord has plans for me, and I need to be open to following them. At 20 years old, I prayed that I was happy being single and independent, but if He had plans for me to spend my life with someone, please let me know when the time was right. At 24 I married Doug, after knowing just 3 dates in that I was going to marry him. After getting married, I prayed that I was okay not having children, since I didn't know for sure how/if my body would handle pregnancy, but that if we were supposed to have them, please let me know when the time was right. At 29 I had Gracie, after a fairly good pregnancy that spared me from morning sickness and gave my sluggish digestive system a reprieve of sorts. A couple years later I mentioned to Doug that with Gracie turning 2 we should think about when/if we wanted another child; 9 months later Joel was born as it turns out I was already pregnant when we had that conversation! At 26 I was facing unemployment and deciding where to go next, when a job opportunity was brought to me, and now 9 1/2 years later I'm fortunate to still be working there. More fortunate than I can truly express, as the job has given me the immense flexibility I needed after starting our family; the only way we were able to both work was because my employer values what I do and allowed me to come and go as needed, provided I got the work done. Not to mention the amazing staff I've had the honor of working with over the years; the solid co-workers who have kept things running smoothly while I remained consistently inconsistent with my hours, but as consistent as possible with my work.

All that is to say, when it came to seeking my purpose, our family's purpose, how we could make the things we saw in our minds a reality, I did the only thing I know works unfailingly; I lifted it up to the Lord. Well over a year ago, I prayed that when the time was right to bring Doug home from his retail job, we would know and we would willingly take that leap of faith. I prayed that there must be a way we could get our children onto a regular schedule of sleep, a way we could have a school routine that didn't involve all of us going so many directions depending on the day of the week. I prayed that the vision I had in my minds eye of being able to blaze a trail of positivity in this negative world; to promote an optimistic and positive outlook to life in those around me; to breed positive energy and radiate it, would come to fruition when the time was right.

Answers didn't come immediately, but positive changes did start to seep through the edges of the life we were living; a content yet chaotic life of coming-going-coming-going, Doug at work and me at home, Doug at home so me at work, kids going to bed when we went to bed, meals a haphazard attempt at homemade and healthy sprinkled with way too many nights of eating out, family budget nonexistent but fortunately not racking up credit card debt, accountability zero. We started to really look at the finances, to analyze where we could make cuts at so we could possibly live without Doug's paycheck. I talked with my boss about the possibility of my working more hours. We looked into refinancing our home loan, and ridding ourselves of the 2nd mortgage that had a scary balloon payment coming due in 7 years. Doug started learning how to fix simple dinners, rather than eating out the nights I worked late or dining on pizza and chicken nuggets weekly.

We started to forage change within our home; to work on consistent discipline with our kids, to teach appreciation of what they, to focus on solid family times in the evenings with the TV off and doing things together. A lot of little things, and not always things we stuck with regularly, but change starts somewhere, and we felt good about taking on the challenge. Along the way, though, I continued to feel out of control with my digestive issues; to feel that even when I was doing all the right things, I was still feeling cruddy. Bloated, eating irregular meals, skipping meals, eating foods that I'm supposed to avoid, not sleeping well. It all added up to a very cranky Ellen, and that was affecting these positive changes I was trying to affect within my family. I decided enough was enough, I needed to step up and find a way to feel better.

Enter my dear friend and the company she had been part of for a few months; she kept telling me if I drank this Spark she had given me samples of, I would feel energy. I would feel motivation. I would feel good! After months of ignoring her, I realized that I had nothing to lose, so I might as well try the stuff. WOW. One Spark and I was a believer; I had energy and motivation and felt like cleaning the house rather than sitting on the couch reading. After so long of being tired and not seeing any light at the end of the dark tunnel of low energy and bloated guts, I saw hope. I met with her and her mentor, told them my history, and asked what they had in addition to the Spark that might help me. I started with a probiotic and digestive enzyme the next week.

You know a lot of that story already from my previous posts, but what you may not know is that finding good health with AdvoCare was only the beginning. I quickly saw something else; a potential financial opportunity that just might be a way to bring Doug home. For real, to bring him home. Not to just have that as a dream, but to make it a reality. Not because we started making money with an AdvoCare business, but more because we saw that we had the power to make our life what we wanted it to be, and AdvoCare could possibly be a vehicle to assist us with that. We found renewed hope, we found potential answers to those "how can we do this" questions, and we found other people that were living their lives the way we wanted to...with purpose. With positivity. Creating a better world for their families. Not happy being "good enough" but wanting to impact the lives of others by being great.

Are you living your life as you were meant to; seeking your purpose and doing everything within your reach to achieve it? Do you realize that God has a plan for you, and He's just waiting for you to ask Him to show you the way? Are you surrounding yourself with others who are living their life with purpose, so that their positivity can impact you? 

Greatness is within you. You have a purpose, and your life has purpose. If you are feeling stuck in mediocrity, feeling restless with your content, seeking more for your family, yearning to have peace and health within yourself, do not let any more time pass you by. Get on your knees in a quiet place, lay down your burdens to your God, and be open to the changes He has in store for you. He knows your purpose, and He knows how you can live your life to achieve that purpose. The unbelieving are hard at work to take down anybody who seems happy, positive, purposeful; do not let them take you down; shine and radiate your belief , spread positive energy, and live with purpose.
 

TGIF

And so another workweek comes to a close. We have made it through another week, though I hesitate to say we have gotten into a new routine yet. Hard to do during the summer, there is always something happening that prevents us from establishing the good nighttime routine we need, or the regular grocery shopping evening, or a laundry day or two. Ah well, we'll be turning that calendar to September before we realize it, and school will start, and we will meld into a routine with all those things and more. For now, we're going to continue to enjoy the warm summer days, the evenings of backyard play and staying up too late, and the consistently inconsistent non-routines we've become so used to!

 

This Friday evening finds me home with just my Joelers, as Doug is in Texas taking part in AdvoCare Success School, a huge event taking place at none other than Dallas Cowboy Stadium. He has joined 25,000+ other AdvoCare Distributors from all over to learn about new products, hear from the SciMed Board, meet Endorsers, and so so so much more! It's an exciting time to be sure, and while I'm disappointed not to be there with him, I am enjoying my time with Joel and looking forward to our weekend of mother-son bonding! Gracie was picked up by her beloved Gammie yesterday afternoon, and was very excited to have 4 nights "away from my brother Joel, I needed some alone time"!! Today and tomorrow they are at the annual church campout, another event I am disappointed to miss out on, but am thrilled that she is able to be there!

 

After spending a few hours at work together today, Joel and I had a late lunch at Wendy's, came home for some downtime that he spent watching "muddy water mud trucks" (real name: 4 Wheel Parts Top Truck Challenge) for the 27th time this week and I spent reading on my Nook, did a little evening shopping at Kohl's, stopped at DQ for an Oreo blizzard for the li'l buggar, and have spent the last little while playing with Monster Trucks and watching Monster Jam. Joel is nicely playing on his own now after telling me, "mommy all done playing with Joel", so here I sit!

 

Connecting

Many a time a blog idea pops into my head, or I compose a posting in my mind, but I don't get myself to the computer to put the words down. I occasionally put a nugget of positivity on my Facebook status to keep those who are asking me for a post with something to think about! I recently had a friend tell me, "please write on your blog again, I need some inspiration!". That humbled me, and frightened me a bit! People are turning to ME for inspiration?! For something to give them motivation to face this negative world? I have been a beacon of hope for somebody? Yipes, the responsibility!!

I continue to be amazed at God's grace, at the opportunities He continually places in front of me, even though I often don't do the best I can with them. The opportunity to connect with people via this blog is one of those; I am humbled that my words, my expression of thought, my voice of hope, can touch the lives of others. Often times the words that come into my head begging to be written don't make sense to me, or I tell myself they won't matter to anybody else, or that nobody really cares what I'm thinking about or dealing with. So they don't make it to print.

But that comment from my friend got me thinking and I came to realize, God has placed those words there, He wants me to share them, and if even one person can be positively affected by them, then I have succeeded in serving His purpose. It is a disservice to anybody following my blog to NOT write down what crosses my mind that begs to be shared with others.

So I present to you this summary of the past 4 weeks worth of blogs postings that never made it to print.

- Be a light of positivity in this darkened world.

- You have what you need to make your dreams happen, it's already inside of you, but fear of the unknown & of failure is holding you back. Reject that fear, Embrace your dream, and stop at nothing to make it a reality!

- Impact those around you simply by being YOU! IMPACT=I'M in Possession of my own Ability to enact Change Today. Be confident in yourself and trust in your instincts.

- What you surround yourself with will become your reality; Who you surround yourself with is who you will become. Choose Wisely!! This world is full of negativity, of drama and discontentment, of passing the blame and not accepting responsibility or accountibility. Do not be party to that, and do not spent time around those who are party to that; it is contagious!

- The moment you are living RIGHT NOW is one that you will never get back, there is no guarantee for a better tomorrow, so why not instead focus on living a better today? Be present in the moment, do not let a clip on TV, a sports game, a text, an email, or anything else driven by the technological advances that have weakened our society take precedence over a real conversation with a loved one, a "watch me mommy!" moment from your child, a hug from your spouse, or any of those important moments of connection with PEOPLE; real people, in the flesh, not on the cell phone or in the TV. Technology has its place, but it is not the priority. If you are reading this blog posting right now instead of playing a game with your child or listening to what your spouse is trying to say to you, then STOP READING! Right now! Focus on people, our society has us starving for real connection; many youth don't even know what it means to 'connect' with someone, they think 'connecting' is how you get onto the internet! Ack!

I think that's a good stopping place for now! For the record, I came home from the office after a morning of connecting with other business people at a Chamber meeting we hosted, to an empty house. I am thrilled at the opportunity that gave me to sit down and blog! But now I'm going to eat some lunch and be ready for when my kids get home, because this momma wants to play CandyLand with her Gracie-girl and Monster Trucks with her Joelers!

One more thought...during the hour and a half that businessmen and women were mingling in our office, I did not see one person reading a text or really even talking on their cell phone. They were too busy chatting face-to-face with other businessmen and women. It was refreshing!! THAT is what you call connecting!

 

Hello July, what happened to you? It's August!

Somehow an entire month passed since my last blog posting! It was a very busy, crazy, but fun several weeks, and while I thought often of my computer and my blog, I did not have or make the time to sit and write. To bring you up to date very quickly, one month ago (give or take) my husband became a stay-at-home dad and I went back to work full-time. This has been an adjustment, to say the least, but a welcome change in our home! I'm trying to work 32-40 hours a week in 4 days, keeping Fridays open for family time. Some weeks this works, others not so much; but there are no complaints from me, because I know the companies I work for are blessed to be busy during these uncertain economic times. Doug and I continue to build our AdvoCare business as well, so have been to a lot of meetings, Mixers, group events, etc as we learn everything available to us about this amazing company, and share the products and opportunity with those around us. This past month also took us on a camping weekend to Lincoln City, an evening at the Washington County Fair, gave Doug ample time to tackle household projects, and allowed us many pleasant evenings to sit outside and enjoy time together as a family. We even got to watch the Hillsboro Air Show from the rooftop of our house!

 

It has been a month full of the very moments we were hoping for by bringing Doug home from the retail world...family moments. Moments enjoying the silliness of our kiddos, watching them play in the backyard, staying up watching House Hunters and reading books, working hard to get Joel potty trained, talking a lot with Gracie about starting Kindergarten. We celebrated Joel's 3rd birthday, Gracie was excited to lose her first two teeth and have visits from the Tooth Fairy, Doug has started some weekday routines with the kids, (AdvoCare workouts, Tuesdays at Bi-Mart for lucky number day, trips to Haggen to visit his past co-workers who are now AdvoCare clients). It has been a fabulous month. We are so excited to see August has in store for our family!